No one shall be barren in your land.....

I received an e-mail the other day that caught my attention. The e-mail itself was good; something you forward to friends to remind them that Christ is in everyone and strangers should be treated justly so. It was the verse at the bottom of the e-mail that really stopped me and made me think. It was from the book of Exodus. "So you shall serve the Lord your God, and he will bless your bread and water. And I will take sickness away from the midst of you. No one shall suffer miscarriage or be barren in your land; I will fulfill the number of your days."

Hmmmm......No one shall suffer miscarriage or be barren in your land. Is this the answer to all of my questions through the years? Am I not serving the Lord enough? Are my days not fulfilled by Him? These thoughts keep going through my head. What am I doing wrong so as to not deserve to be blessed with a child?

This is doubly difficult to bear because in our large extended family everyone has children. We are the only married couple on my hubby's side that does not have a child. Granted, one cousin has adopted, but they all have at least one child. Where does that put us? Unable to relate but wanting to so badly. Unable to commiserate but trying so hard. On my side of the family I have two cousins close to my age who are unable to carry a child. Their infertility is "undetermined". My younger cousin has had two miscarriages, one at almost five months. My heart breaks for her. The other cousin has adopted two children and is now scared that she will get pregnant at 37. I am wanting to adopt but my hubby is not there yet. He is still holding out for the chance at raising his own biological child. I, on the other hand, want to bring home every seemingly neglected child I see in life and on adoption sites. Kind of like the dog that is in the paper every week needing a home. I would bring them home, too, if we had the room! I am a nurturer, a giver. I would love to stay home and raise children and dogs. Will I be given the chance? I would like the chance. For now, I have my husband, my dogs and my job. They make me happy but I am not quite fulfilled.....