What should I do? **UPDATED**

My aunt and I were chatting this morning on FB. One of our mutual friends daughters is having a baby next month. She just turned 21. My aunt told me that the daughter is thinking about giving up the baby. Seems the boyfriend won't let the daughter move in with him if she keeps the baby. I'm thinking that the boyfriend may not be the baby's daddy. Now, here is my dilemma. My aunt has told this mutual friend about E and I and our struggle and I have also communicated it via FB. She just told my aunt last week about the potential adoption. Do I write this friend and ask that E and I be considered as adoptive parents? My heart is saying "do it!". My brain is asking "is this okay to do?". Input please!!

Also, praises to the Lord today as I have a 2 new cousins this weekend! One cousin and her hubby brought home a baby girl Friday night. The birth father is fighting for his parental rights in court so this may not be definite. I pray that his rights remain revoked so there is no disruption in the adoption.

Another cousin and her hubby delivered a baby boy this morning! Mama and baby are both doing great!

On a sad note, the sister of the cousin who gave birth this am had to say goodbye this morning to her husband of only one month. He is being sent to Iraq for over a year. Please pray with me for his safety! Some of the soldiers who received the same orders are now being sent to Afghanistan instead. We are praying that this does not happen to him!

It's a beautiful day in Michigan but fall is coming way too quickly. I am headed to the beach for the first time this year! Have a blessed Sunday, everyone!



UPDATE!! Just heard that my step-nephew is headed back into surgery right now! His defibrillator went hay-wire and they are going to take it out. Will post more when I know more.

Trying, trying.....

Just had an awesome eveing with my 4 year old cousin!

I cannot wait until a child comes to our home, not to visit, but to stay!!

We're at 7 weeks tomorrow waiting on our foster license.

Trying to remember: not in my time, not in the state's time, but in GOD'S time!

Go figure...

I had some pain today that made me break out in a cold sweat. I felt myself go gray and I got hot and chilly and sweaty all at once. I was waiting on a member at the time and I could not hide the agony I was in. It was 1 1/2 hours or so after lunch. Gallbladder, maybe?

I mentioned calling my doctor to schedule an appointment and my boss told me to wait. She said she felt the exact same way last week and that it's just a virus. It'll pass. I never would have mentioned it if I didn't have to get ALL time off okayed by her. Go figure, she just brushed it off as nothing.

I may have to forgo a doctor's appointment and just hit the ER. I am so tired of that woman!

Something's up

So I definitely think I have something going on health wise. Nothing major, don't panic, but something is up. The last few weeks I have not felt good on and off. Nothing unbearable or anything just not good. Every day at some point I have been getting some discomfort in my upper abdomen. I have just brushed it off as gas or indigestion or my pants were too tight (haven't lost the 5 lbs I gained on vacation). The discomfort has gotten worse. Today was rough. I am thinking gallbladder. It got worse today after lunch. DH is bringing something home for dinner so we'll see how I am in a little while. Any of you have gallbladder attacks or stones or surgery? I'm calling my doctor tomorrow to get in and get it checked out. Really, I would welcome a little surgery at this point to get away from work for a bit! Even a few days would do. I'll keep ya posted!

Man-blog?

I had to laugh out loud with my husband last night.

I was in the living room reading the paper with a giant dog in my lap. DH was on the computer just typing away. It is rare for him to type a little bit let alone a lot so I was intrigued. I asked him from the couch, "what are you typing?". He replied, "Oh, I started a blog". "What?" I yelled as I threw the very large dog out of my lap and ran for the office. "Yeah, I started my own blog. It's called 'Husband of a wife who blogs too much'. We have our own group of husbands. M's husband, Sew's husband, Ree's husband...." (You can see who I talk about the most, haha!) He just burst out laughing-he can never keep a straight face when he's pulling a prank! I had to laugh, too. I asked him if indeed I did spend too much time on the blogs. He assured me no, I was fine.

He was really e-mailing a buddy from his Navy years but I told him he really sould start his own blog as long as he changed the title.

Deadline

The last time I griped about how long it had been since I heard anything I heard something that very same day. So....I'm putting it out there in the hopes something will happen.

We signed off on our home study in July 1st and mailed it back to our agency July 2nd. With the holiday in there I figure they received it July 5th and hopefully mailed it to the state with our foster license application by July 9th. We were told it takes 4 to 6 weeks to process and issue a foster license. By my math we should be at week 6. Knowing our state it could be another 2 to 4 weeks. Sigh.....

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I think I forgot to mention the news at work! With the conversion taking up so much of my brain this announcement was pushed to the back burner.

My first day back after vacation, July 26th, I worked at our main office. We, DH and I, were on our 1 hour 45 minute drive home when my cell phone rang. It was my coworker E. She said "I don't know how to tell you this but I want to tell you before you come back tomorrow". I said "are you pregnant?". She said "C and I both are". Now, E and her hubby have been married 8 years or so and suffered 2 miscarriages before they had a healthy baby girl in February of 2009. I am honestly and truly happy for them. Plus, she understands the pain of my infertility and is really excited about our adoption.

C on the other hand is 24 years old, unmarried and lives with her mother. She had a baby in October of 2009. Yes, that's right. She is pregnant and her baby at home is 10 months old. To top it off, she and her mom kicked the baby's daddy out of their house. Wait....there's more! The icing on the cake! E is due February 26th (my DH's birthday) and C is due March 9th!!!! I have to work with 2 pregnant women who are due 2 weeks apart!!!!

Oh my God, give me strength!!!

Now, I can handle the pregnancies. I've been through it before. What I can't handle is my boss not even batting an eye about their appointments and impending maternity leave of 8 - 12 weeks apiece, overlapping, mind you! What I can't handle is the 3rd degree I am receiving about my adoption appointments and being told when I can and can't take off for my adoption leave!! Basically, I cannot take off when they are on maternity leave even though my process started back in March and they didn't get knocked up until MAY!!!! AAARRRRGGGGHHHH!!!!!!

I ask again, God give me strength!

In a nutshell, I have between now and February to get matched, get a child transitioned to our home and take my maternity-adoption leave. Talk about a deadline!

The typical transition is 3 months and I want to take at the very least 1 month off. That leaves us 2 months to get matched. And, that is barring any complications in the pregnancies!

I put this in God's hands. That is all I can do!

Prayer Buddy Reveal Updated***

Update: I had my buddies mixed up! I prayed for Sew during Lent and JBTC prayed for me! I have corrected my post:)


The only thing that has made me a bit nervous about prayer buddies is that you may be paired with someone you have never read and know nothing about. I guess it shouldn't make me nervous but it does. One should never be nervous about meeting new people. But, what if she thinks my prayers weren't good enough? What if she doesn't like me? What if she hates what I say on my blog? Why do I sound like I'm still in high school?

During the Lenten Prayer Buddy I was matched with Sew. Phew. Sew got me into blogging! I had read her blog from top to bottom before I ever started blogging myself. I e-mailed her to tell her my endo story and she laughingly called me a stalker. I started a blog and became a legitimate stalker. So praying for her during my first Prayer Buddies was a piece of cake. I felt like I knew her through and through!



On July 3rd I got my Summer Prayer Buddy match. Uh, oh. I knew hardly anything about this person. I was not following her blog. I had stumbled upon her blog once in the late spring (I think)through her comments left on another blog. I looked at her wedding photos and was in awe of the happiness radiating from her and her hubby's faces. And, that was about it. I hadn't gone back again and read her story.

4th of July weekend I walked around with my laptop. Every chance I got I read her blog. Read about her wedding, her new husband, her first fertility appointment, her diagnosis with PCOS, her addiction to her phone...uh, oh. Did I let the cat out of the bag there? Did you guess?

Her prayer intention request was for patience, perseverance and physical health for her and her hubby. I prayed for those things and so much more. On our trip up north I prayed at the statue of The Blessed Family at The Cross in the Woods. In mid-July I said a novena to St. Philomena, the patron saint of bodily ills, children of Mary, infertility, desperate causes and many more things. Last night I completed a novena to Our Lady of the Miraculous Medal. And when little Addison was so desperately sick and needed a miracle I prayed the Infant of Prague Novena Prayer over and over.

Jenny, I hope that these prayers have offered you some comfort and hope. I hope that these prayers have given you the faith to follow the path God has laid before you. Know that I will continue to pray for you and Doug along with my previous prayer buddies and countless other bloggers I have come to respect, admire and love.

May God's blessings shine upon you!

And, I am now a follower!

My tricky Friend!

During meetings with our previous case worker, the one who did our home study, she kept referring back to the demographics she had read on Wik.ipedia about our area. How less that 1% of the local population was African American and 3% was Hispanic. The remaining 96+% were Caucasian. She kept asking about the diversity of our area. How blacks were accepted. I had a feeling then that the agency would be holding out for a white child for us.

This morning I was praying while in the shower. I pray and think while I am getting ready for work. No TV, no radio, just me and God having a chat. I hear this: "you will adopt a Caucasian child". I'll admit, my heart kinda fell. I have had my heart set on just getting a child. I don't care what race. I don't care if they are black, white, yellow or even purple! (Blue would scare me, though) Realistically, a white child is a long, long wait. It's not that there are not white children in foster care. There certainly are! It's just that the white children are adopted so quickly!I know I've waited 12 years and a few more months doesn't seem much longer to most people but to me, who is just soooooo ready, it's an eternity!

Maybe God has a child right around the corner. Maybe there is a baby being born soon who will come straight to our house! If the state ever issues our foster license, that is. I trust God but could he clue me in just a little? Tell me I will adopt a white child but not tell me when??? That's just mean, holding out on me like that:-)

And we aren't even matched yet.....

I am dealing with a difficult situation involving my boss. Now, I love my boss as a person. Don't get me wrong there. She has some amazing qualities and her personality is very engaging. I have worked for her for 12 years and in the past I have loved her like a 2nd mother. But, even a person you love very much can rub you the wrong way at times and make you want to choke them.

I really think she has a problem with us adopting. More specifically, I think she has a problem with us adopting a child of a different race. I showed her the photo of a little girl that was put on the list just today. She is 3 and her name is LeeAnna. She is amazingly adorable. I have heard about people who know when they see "their" child. I felt an instant connection to this little girl the moment I saw her photo. My heart hit the floor. I was on lunch and in the lounge at work looking at the list on my laptop. My boss came through to use the restroom and I stopped her to show her the picture. My boss' response? "She's cute now but who knows how they'll turn out." Her words, verbatim. I was shocked. Speechless. It bothered me all afternoon. I cried in the car driving home. I related the conversation to my hubby and our friend this evening. They were both shocked.

I don't know what to do! I cannot let her attitude influence my decision. It is my life, after all. I used to be able to see myself retiring from this employer but not any more! Things have been just awful with this processor change and we've all been stressed to the max. If this was her first negative comment about our future children I could excuse it as stress from the job. But, it is not the first.

She keeps telling me we should just adopt one child. She had one and she was perfectly happy with that. So, I guess the rest of the world should be happy with just one. Then in the next breath she tells me she doubts I'll be happy raising a child that has been in foster care. Every time I talk about a child that is added to the list, whether or not we'll request the file, she asks if the child is Caucasian.

Give me a freaking break!

Each time, I say "no, she or he is African American", she hesitates and says, "well.....I guess, what ever you want". What??? What????? No one else in my life, from my huge family to our friends to the members I wait on at the credit union ask me what race our future child will be! They ask me where they are from. When I say they are a waiting child from Michigan people are thrilled! But, not my boss. She worries about the children still having contact with their birth families. She worries about the "type" of people these kids come from.

I am just sick to death of listening to her attitude about our adoption. I vowed today to not talk to her any more about it. I'll tell her when I need to take time off and I'll leave it like that. I am going to work on my resume and start to actively look for work elsewhere. If she is like this BEFORE the adoption how will she be AFTER? Will she shun my child every time she sees him or her? My hubby stops in to work to see me on his days off. He will have our child with him. My MIL, who will be our sitter when E is working, banks with my work. She will have our child with her when she is running errands. I don't want our child to feel unliked anywhere they go!

Sadly, we aren't even matched yet and I am sure this is just the start. Is this how other parents of African American or mixed race children feel? How do they get through the day? I don't worry about myself in the raising of our child(ren). I worry about society and the judgments they make. I worry about children being exposed to ignorance and hatred. God, give me wisdom and strength! Give me the knowledge to help children deal with the negative they will encounter in this life! Give me experience to guide them past all the mean and hateful people they will come in contact with! Help me to help them thrive in a society that just does not care about feelings and humanity.

Deep thoughts (not really)

Mind if I get my random thoughts down on screen? My head has been jumbley all day so this suits my mood.


1. My brother moved his girlfriend in. Yep. Divorce from SIL was final July 5th. New one has two boys, ages 3 and 5. I will not fall in love with these children. I will not be Aunt Shell. I will not get attached. It hurts too much when little bro moves on. And move on he will!

2. Work has been H.E.Double hockey sticks! (I'm a hockey wife, remember?) I hate this new processor; I feel like an idiot!

3. I now have amassed more adoption books in the last 4 months than I did infertility and reproduction books in the last 12 years.

4. I am floored by the number of pregnancy and adoption announcements recently. Floored. I am so happy for you all!

5. I am saddened by the miscarriages and doors put up before the paths to adoption. I can feel each and every one of your heartaches. And I am praying for you all.

6. I am somewhere in between. In limbo. Waiting. Praying for my child. Whom I haven't met.

7. I am eating a bowl of blueberries with milk and sugar for dinner. I went to lunch at 3:30 today. Refer back to #2 for the reason.

8. I screwed up my ballot at voting today. Can you believe that? I voted for two congressman. That is how tired I am. I honestly thought it said to choose two!

9. My step-nephew was being released today. He has a mini-defibrillator to shock his heart if it starts beating wrong.

10. My blueberries are gone and I will now drink the sugary milk. Then, I think I'll go read one of my adoption books in the tub.

G'nite all! God bless:)

Jaime's news

This is the latest news on my nephew via my mom's FB status.



Went to Gr today to see how Jaime was doing..They have moved him out of intensive care into and into a regular room,,He was eating a piece of cherry pie,and he was enjoying it..Tomorrow they are going to raise his heart beat to 170 beats per minute to see if they can find out what is going on..Then they are putting in ...a mini defibrillator to shock him if it happens again..He may get discharged on Tuesday...Yeah!!!!



This is just amazing! The doctor's honestly thought this boy would be mentally impaired at the very least. He is going to make a complete recovery. He most likely is done running but he has his life. Now, they need to figure out what caused this so it doesn't happen again!



Thank you so much for all your prayers! My step-sister has no idea and she never will but I am happy to think that our group of "prayer warriors" contributed to Jaime's recovery!

Word verification

I didn't remember choosing to have word verification when I set my blog up over a year ago! I checked, and yep!, it was there!


Guess what! It's gone now!!


So sorry it was there all that time and I didn't know!