Long have I waited....

We finally got something this week that we've been waiting 7 long months for. No, we're no closer to finalizing the adoption; we're still waiting for the ruling on the appeals. What we did get was a copy of O's neuropsych eval from September of 2011. What is says in there really isn't too surprising but a couple of things caught us off guard.

The report gave us the dates that he was in foster care previously and that was great to know. It also gave the reasons for removal which was also good to know. No surprise that it made reference to the difficulties he would have on Tuesday and Thursday after he saw his mother. Thank goodness we didn't have to do parental visits. The judge ordered no contact at removal.

It was nice to find out that his birth weight was 6 pounds, 9 ounces. I was 6 pounds, 8 ounces and he is way bigger than I was at 5! We also discovered that at 6 months gestation his mother was hospitalized due to excessive alcohol consumption. We knew she had drank but didn't know just how much she drank. She maintains that it was only the one time but I just can't believe that.

The report also stated that during his testing he was active, impulsive and easily distracted. Just the way he is now with us. That is indicative of ADHD but our doctor will not test him until he is 6. Right now we and the school are using behavior management and working with him on his restlessness and short attention.

They also stated they saw signs of anxiety and we have seen those too. He has a habit of twisting the hair on the top of his head when he is questioning something or when we are directing or correcting.

The report also states that while he is a very intelligent child and achieved high measured in the pre-academic/literacy skills he scored low in the other skills tests such as comparison, concepts, self and social awareness, quantity and time/sequence. I have seen improvement in all these areas in the last 7 months but the lower scores 14 months ago are indicative of some future learning delays. We will be scheduling an IEP to make a plan for his potential learning difficulties.

While our pediatrician didn't see any physical indication of Fetal Alcohol Syndrome, ADHD, anxiety and cognitive delays are all symptoms of Fetal Alcohol Exposure (Syndrome), something that we have been concerned with all along.

He started counseling two weeks ago and I gave her a copy of the report for review. She is going to review the report and then set up a meeting to go over some "tricks" for helping raise O to be a fully functioning, productive member of society. None of this isn't manageable and we have vowed to do all we can to help him through this. We love him and he is ours.

O brought home his report card from school yesterday and I was almost afraid to open it after receiving the eval this week. I was absolutely thrilled with his report card though! He scored satisfactory or higher in all of his subjects! I was especially thrilled with his teachers comments:

"O is an outgoing and friendly little boy. He knows 26 upper case and 27 lower case letters. He knows 25 letter sounds to date. He is starting to read the popcorn words that we have covered so far. O can do the math work in class with additional support and direction. He does have some difficulty completing work and will walk away from his work and get side tracked easily. He has a good temperament and does not argue about going back to work but does try to negotiate a better deal. O had endeared himself to most of the adults here at school and has made many friends in class. I enjoy working with him in our classroom."

Doesn't it just make a mama proud?? When I think of what he's gone through in 4-1/2 years and where he is after 7 months I can see him future and it's bright. We will do all that we can to help him succeed. He is a fighter and he wants to be successful. We will help his get there!!

Movie quote

I feel like a defective typewriter

(Sorry it's so blurry, I had to enlarge a little picture)

That's right, I've missed my period. By a whole week. Before you gals go all crazy-excited for me know that I already had a blood test yesterday and my HCG was a big, fat zero. If I don't start by Monday it's back to the doctor for an exam, more blood work and an ultrasound.  . I'm leaning towards an ovarian cyst but we'll see what they find.

So while dealing with the ups and downs of this week and by goofy body we got our assessment approval letter from the adoption agency. They have approved us to formally adopt O! We are still waiting on the appeals court to rule on his parents appeals but once that happens we will be able to finalize his adoption. We still don't expect a ruling before mid-December but you never know.

Other than that, O is doing so good! He is starting counseling next week with a child-trauma councilor who specializes in play therapy. The probate judge had requested he get counseling and we wholeheartedly agreed. It will teach him to deal with feelings that right now are bottled up and suppressed.

That's all I have time for now. He's come down with a stomach bug and is sick this morning. Hopefully, it passes quickly and he's the only one that gets it.

Endo Study

I just heard about another endo study for women surgically diagnosed. I don't qualify to participate because I was diagnosed more than 7 years but I thought some of you might be interested. Here is the link: https://www.violetpetalstudy.com/HomePage.aspxe

Just a warning: They do want you to use two forms of non-hormonal contraceptives. Not sure how I feel about that since it is for medical research but you can decide for yourselves. Just wanted to share! Anything to find a cure for this damnable disease!

Just a quick one

Here's just a quick post to let you all know things are still going well. Tomorrow we are having our first big birthday party for my soon-to-be five year old. Our theme is "SpongeBob", of course, and we are making a nice family and close friends dinner followed by presents, cake and ice cream cake. We are keeping the birthday party somewhat smallish because we are planning a huge adoption/baptism party this winter (fingers crossed).

The appeals are still in review and we are hoping to hear something in the next few weeks. I don't know how long it takes for a ruling but my estimation is that the appeals court has had the case for right around a month. I'm thinking maybe 4 to 6 weeks? I have a friend that was a legal assistant for a family lawyer but I keep forgetting to ask her what the timeline is.

We are leaning towards getting him evaluated for emotional impairments as well as ADHD or ADD. Sometimes it's hard to tell  what is going on with him. At times I think he could be ADD or ADHD but other times I think it's all because he had no direction until he was 4 1/2. Conferences are this week and after I speak with his teacher we'll meet with the principal and take it from there. It's such a process because caseworkers have to be involved and everything has to be review by CPS and the agency. It takes a village to raise a foster child, at least it feels that way with most things.

Other than that, it is day-to-day living. Little O is such a fun kid and we are having a blast with him. I love watching him learn and explore and blossom daily.

Light at the end of the tunnel....

We were finally assigned an adoption worker and she came for a visit last week. We basically had to have another adoption orientation because we've been approved to adopt for over two years. We had to complete another application and financial statement, get background checks and physicals again and authorization releasing of employment information. Our approval still stands but they needed all our information updated.

She was a very nice person and she interacted with O more than any other worker we have had come visit. We really liked her but O was a bit shy around her. She asked him a few questions about himself and he was so funny about answering her. She asked what he liked best about himself and he hung his head and said "well, I'm really good at blowing bubbles". He's really good at a lot of things but he was too timid to speak up. That is a bit unusual for him but he has been really tired from starting school.

She is coming for another visit this week and we should know whether or not an appeal has been filed by either parent. Pending an appeal, her estimated time frame for finalization of the adoption is.........December or January!!!

So there is light at the end of this looooong tunnel. Our 16th wedding anniversary is coming up in just 3 weeks and we've been striving to become parents that entire time. We aren't going to change his first or middle names, just his last name and his social security number. My goal was to have his last name changed before they started learning to write it in school!

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I have an update about our other two little guys. They made the big move to their aunt's down in Indiana this past Saturday. She has been awarded guardianship of the two. I am excited about this situation because she and I went to school together and have always been friendly. She has already posted photos of the boys on FB (which she can do because it is a guardianship situation) and we have chatted about them as well. She sent me her address so I can mail the boys cards and notes and things. Little C told his aunt Sunday morning that he had a dream about my hubby racing his kayak. How cool is that? Aunt T said the boys still talk about  us and their "brother" that is living with us now. I love and miss the boys so much but I know being with family is preferred over foster parents. I pray for some permanence for them, however, because now it feels so temporary.

Busy, busy

Summer has been busy so I took a break (again) from blogging. My focus has been on having tons of fun with O and my hubby.

I came back today after hearing the news of my dear friend, M. My heart is breaking for her and her hubby and Baby B. I am offering all my prayers to their comfort and reassurance.

While I am here, I'll give an update as to where we are with O. He is going to be ours! Yes, OURS!! His parents rights were terminated last Thursday and we began the adoption process. We are waiting to be assigned our adoption worker but our foster worker made her last visit to our home this past Wednesday. Now, we just have to wait. There will most likely be appeals by both parents but I am not concerned. Mom didn't even show up for her own termination ruling. Dad was there but he failed on all points the judge had to consider. Mom received one point of a possible six. That one point she passed on was that she and O are bonded and love each other but the judge said that is not enough to raise a healthy, well-adjusted child in a safe and stable environment. She definitely cannot provide that.

So, we'll keep going the way we have been. He is a busy, busy kid with a bit of an attention deficit but I believe structure and starting school will improve that. We are camping this weekend and then kindergarten starts Tuesday. He'll be in school full-day, 5 days a week and then go to daycare after school. I saw last year how our previous boys improved after school started and their schedule was consistent. I am hoping for the same for O.

That is where we're at today! We'll just keep going the way we have been. Loving on O and having fun and raising him and teaching him. It will be at least 6 months before we can finalize, longer if there is an appeal.
I will try, try, try to keep posting but you all know that I am a blogging slacker who puts her family first, LOL!

The trial that wasn't....

I got so caught up in the camping prep I forgot to post that the trial was postponed indefinitely. At this time we have no reschedule date. I guess O's dad got out of jail and his attorney wanted time to review the case with him. That's understandable but very frustrating. I didn't want to leave you all hanging!

I hope you all have a great holiday weekend! I'm posting this from our camp site and I am prepared to enjoy this long weekend and my vacation days from work. I have a license to chill this weekend:)

This is the week! Thursday morning we have to be at the county prosecutor's office in the wee hours for a briefing before court. I believe he wants to meet us and talk to us about O and see how he's doing with us. I am so anxious; I can hardly stand it!

How is he doing?? He is doing GREAT! I am simply amazed by how well he is doing.

How are we doing?? We are learning and some days are a struggle. He is a good kid for having no direction previously in his life. It is hard to have enough patience some days though. We are having to teach him so much, even the very basic things like flushing the toilet every time he goes or picking up things or even not walking up and grabbing something from someone. All day long we have to be ON and it's exhausting.

I am not complaining, don't get me wrong, I'm just stating the facts. E worked just 3 days this week and he was with O the other 4. I was out of town for work yesterday and when I got home I had to take over. E was whipped and said "they spent too much time together this past week." I laughed but I knew what he meant. It's hard to be so diligent. Like right now I'm making dinner and trying to get him pick up all his art things off the table. (He's super artistic and musical and not into sports or trucks at all) Anyway, it's "O, put your markers in their box. O, put your markers in their box. O, put your markers in their box!!" Then we repeat with crayons and the scissors and the glue stick and his papers and his coloring books....it's like that all. day. long. I love it, I do, and I praise him like he just cured cancer when he does it within a couple times of asking him. Like I said, diligence and being constantly on. Every day he learns and does a bit better.

One thing we didn't need to teach him was his basic manners. He has said please and thank you and may I ever since he arrived. He had a 2 week unit at daycare last month on manners and he cleaned up on the reward chart. He got a sticker every time he displayed good manners and he kicked butt over the other kids, LOL.

Anyway, things are good here. We're still waiting to hear on our previous 2 boys and their futures. They are still leaning towards moving C to his dad's and hopefully we can get D back. I have my qualms about being involved with his mother for the rest of our lives but I do want what is best for D. We had such good cooperation with C's dad too that the boys would still be able to be in contact and have holiday and summer visits. I want them to stay connected. The next hearing for their case is sometime in July. I can hold out on that case because O keeps me hopping so much.

We have our first camping trip starting after court on Thursday and O is so excited! I'm having trouble convincing him that he doesn't need to take all of his worldly possessions with, though.

That's it for now! My goal is to post once a week from here on out. Don't hold me to it too strongly!

O boy!

Whoa....I haven't been on the blogs in forever. Things are a changin!

Things are changing in my life, too. The plan is, we'll be adoptive parents by year-end!

We have a hearing on the 24th for termination of both parents rights. I can't go into details in the here and now but his parents are making it really easy for us. Once rights are terminated there will be a couple of 90-day reviews but then we should be able to adopt O. It could happen in November or December. I am praying that it is this year.

This boy was made to be ours. All the tears and fears and anger and doubt and wondering are in the past. He. is. our. boy. period.

He and E have bonded unbelievably. We had concerns about that since his dad wasn't in his life and it was just he and his mom but all fears are now gone. He loves E and wants to do everything he does. He loves me too but he can take me or leave me when E is around. That is fine by me! I couldn't imagine a better role model than my husband for this little boy. Plus, it gives me time to do my thing which is usually vacuuming and cleaning without the assistance of my little man, LOL!

He's in daycare usually 3 days a week and he appears to have caught up socially with very little effort. Everybody loves him. We registered him for kindergarten already and he has his testing in early June. This kid is off the charts in intelligence; we can see that already. He can write. He can already read some words. He knows his colors and shapes and letters and numbers....he is smart. (Did I mention he's 4-1/2?) He's not into sports at all but loves music and art. He loves working in the wood shop with E or my FIL too. They have been making corn toss games and birdhouses and then painting them in cool designs. I have a SpongeBob one hanging in my yard right now! (He loves, loves, LOVES SB!)

I cannot say enough about this child and how amazed I am by him. We are seeing very little effect from the neglect he endured while with his mother. He is resilient. He is a fighter. He is a survivor. And, he'll be fine!

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On a sad note, our previous boys have been back in foster care for almost a month. They were home for 4 months to the day when their mother was arrested. Our worker called me on a Monday and said they were filing the petition for removal and wanted to know if we could bring the boys back. E and I talked about it and prayed about it and called our parents and my mentor and we had to say no. It about broke my heart in two. We had to do what was best for O and bringing the two boys back was not going to be good for him as he had only been with us for a monthat that time. I about died inside.

The littlest guy may be going to his dad's. They are working on that but then D will be alone. We are all concerned about that. His little brother is his best friend and they have been together every singe day for almost 4 years. When and if that happens, we will try to get D back with us. I would love to have 2 boys and then O would have a playmate. D and O are 1 year and 1 grade apart so it may be ok. We will see how it plays out. I just knew that I could not handle 3 boys ages 5, 4 and 3. I know my limitations inside and out.



Carrying on

It is amazing how quickly life goes right back to the normalcy of having children. We were just one week shy of being childless for three months and, while we enjoyed our little break, I am so glad to be a mommy again. Life is not all sunshine and gumdrops but our last case taught us so much and, while this little guy is giving us new challenges, things are going relatively smooth.

Little Man was severly neglected. I know he spent at least 48 hours on his own this last time while his mom was passed out intoxicated. This wasn't a new thing for him. In just over a year's time CPS has stepped in four times. The first time he stayed in the home and services were presented for the two of them. The next three times, which happened in the last twelve months, he was removed. He went to the same foster home during the first two removals but they are not a foster-to-adopt home like we are. That is why he came to us this past removal. It appears to all parties involved that his mother's rights will be permanently terminated.

This past weeke has been tough for him. He has said several times over the past 18 days that he misses his mom but this past week things have ramped up. Starting this past Wednesday he has been sad a lot. He pouts but he barely cries. He says he's sad because he misses his mom. It is heartbreaking. I've been told that when she was sober she was a great mom. She just couldn't beat the alcohol. I don't know if there was anything else going on but I know she drank heavily.

We just keep on carrying on here. A lot of love and attention and structure. That's all we can really do. He tries out patience like the other boys do but he is a lot different too. He feels like he is ours already. We see a great future for all three of us.

Additional Info...

We received the court documents in the mail today. Yes, already. The termination hearing is scheduled for May. I think they are serious about him not going back. I feel so bad for his mom but she is sick and needs help terribly.

Also, I forgot to mention that he is from almost 2 hours away. No chance of keeping him in the same school. I also don't think there will be any parent time from now until termination. There are some pretty serious circumstances regarding his removal that I cannot go into right now. Let's just say he is much safer now.

Good things happening

I have good news! We have another foster placement!! Even better for us, this one could be permanent. The petition for termination has already been filed.

He's been with us just a few days but all is going good. He is 4 years old and coming to us from a severe neglect situation. Someone has been working with him though, possibly at preschool. He's smart; knows his colors, shapes, ABC's and 123's and can even read a little. Four years old! He's 42 lbs and 42 inches tall. Wearing a 5T or boys 5/6. And, he's a green-eyed redhead! My own little ginger:)

He has never had a man in his life. Dad hasn't been in the picture and, apparently, Mom hasn't had boyfriends. Little Man spent the last couple days one on one with E. I went to work and E stayed home so they could bond and build trust. It seems to have been a good decision on our part.

Next week Little Man will start daycare with the same provider our first kids had. She is super excited to have us back. We chose daycare over my MIL this time since he really needs socialization. He's on the waiting list for preschool but after meeting the teacher yesterday she moved him to the top. She talked with him a little and she thinks he'll be able to start kindergarten in the fall. His attention span and focus needs work but our daycare can help with that too. She does focus activities and had a pretty strict schedule and routine. That's what he certainly needs!

Everything is falling into place perfectly, including the timing of the termination. His CW is pushing for termination ASAP (he's been removed 3 times) and she knows we want to adopt. She considers us a great match for him and he doesn't have other family stepping up. He is a real trooper but we have our work cut out for us. He's been on his own for too long and he has had no structure.He's pretty easily redirected and corrected but it is exhausting on our part. Hopefully we will see improvement daily.

I guess that's it for now! I'll keep you all posted as time goes on. My heart is torn because I know in order for us to adopt him another mother will be loosing him. I know it's in his best interest not to go back.

Calling on my Sistas!

Well, ya'll, this is weird. If I didn't know better I'd swear that I was PG. It's been 6 1/2 years since I was pregnant but this feels so similar. E even mentioned it tonight. Weird stuff going on such as: abdominal discomfort and fullness (my pants don't fit), starving and then getting full after just a few bites, exhausted all the time (even after 8 hours of sleep) and needing to pee every 1/2 hour (and feeling like I have to go again right after I go). I would seriously think I was PG if Iwasn't on cycle day 11 and if my temp hadn't been down for 13 days. It can't be, I know that. My only other conclusion is that my endo is going haywire or I have fibroids. Any thoughts? I have an appt with my OB/GYN in April but I don't know if I should really wait. You gals are my experts! Thanks in advance:)

The ramblings of a somewhat crazy woman

Hey, I haven't had a chance to update you all on Baby V. His surgery went well and his mama reports that once the surgeon saw the tumor he didn't think it was cancerous. They are waiting on the final pathology but it looks good. V should heal quickly and grow up healthy and strong. Praise God!!

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Now that we are not "actively" parenting or trying to become parents I am struggling to find something to write about. E wasn't entirely happy over the last 11 months so I don't know that we will foster again. We're taking an agency required break until the the judge signs permanency back to their mom. We are part of the boy's "safety net" so we have to keep their beds ready until the judge signs off on their case. The next hearing is January 26th but the judge has until March to sign off so we may be on hiatus until then. Or longer if E decides he can't do it again.

I think we waited to long to become parents. I think we are so comfortable in our life without parenting responsibilities that it is too late. We turned selfish and lazy and, let me tell you, fostering is work. It is constantly 1 step forward and then 2, or sometimes 3, steps back. There are so many people influencing these little souls and we aren't on the same page at all. For the last month that the boys were with us we had them Sunday, Monday and Tuesday nights and they were with their mom the rest of the time. They came home Sunday night exhausted. Monday morning was a struggle to get them up for school. Monday, Tuesday and Wednesday were a constant battle to get them to listen, follow rules and act appropriately. At Mama's house, anything goes. They sleep where they want, wear what they want, eat what they want and do whatever the hell they want to when they want to do it! That last month was so confusing for those boys! We were strict with them, life was very structured and they improved so much. All it took was a few days with mama to undo it all.

The day that they went home, December 7th, I took D to school and put C on the bus. That was where we said our goodbyes. D knew he wasn't coming back but C kept saying he'd be back in a few days. That night was D's kindergarten Christmas program. We met up with their family and sat with them. My mom and MIL went, too. C was horrible through the whole program. He actually hit his mom during the program and, when my mom told him not to hit his mom, he tried to hit my mom. Of course, she stopped him and chewed him out and made him tell his mama he was sorry. His own mother didn't say a word! They were all so obnoxious, standing up and yelling and hooting and hollering for a kindergartner on stage with 119 other kindergartners who couldn't see a thing because the auditorium was dark and the stage was brightly lit. It was embarrassing. It's sad to think how these boys will turn out. Thinking that their family is the primary influence on these boys future freaks me right out.

We went up to their house on Christmas Day to take the boys a gift from our neighbor and I was sickened by what I saw. I cannot believe that the "powers" that be are okay with children living in squalor. That's how they live, in squalor. Dirty, stinky, nasty are the words I use to describe their home. Sick and sad, that's how I feel about this whole mess. Then I saw on FB where she wrote on her husband's page that she was sorry that things were rough right now but they would improve. Know what comment he made? "Yeah, maybe because it's Christmas but you still shouldn't have smoked that." SMOKED WHAT??? OMGosh, now they're admitting she's smoking something on FB?? And you know what?? No one cares!! Frustrates the hell out of me, as you can tell. I have to stop thinking about it or I will go crazy.

I did contact the waiting child site and our adoption caseworker about a 6 y-o boy that is available for adoption. Haven't heard anything from anyone and it was Monday that I emailed and called. Grrr....

I need something to do. I guess I'll start rolling bandages again, maybe organize another food drive, boot and coat drive, food drive for the animal shelter...something before I have a nervous breakdown.

Prayers...and pain

I'm asking you gals for some prayers, please. My almost 30 y-o cousin had a baby boy, V, on December 21st. She had previously lost 4 babies in the 1st and 2nd trimesters. This little boy was perfect. An easy pregnancy, an easy delivery, a very easy going baby. Until Wednesday. He started running a high fever and she took him to the ER. He had a bladder infection but the doctor suspected there was more so they transferred him to the best children's hospital in the state, 2 hours away. Yesterday he had a cat scan, an ultra sound and a spinal tap. What they found is horrifying. They found a tumor, which they suspect is cancer, in this 16 day old baby. Surgery is scheduled for Monday.

My cousin is scared to death. She's optimistic as the doctors say the cancer is most likely confined to the tumor. They are hopeful they will get it all and he will heal quickly. What scares us all is that her dad died shortly after my dad died, both of cancer, prostate and lung. Cancer is an evil word in our family.

Please, promise me you'll say some prayers for baby V? He is so small...so helpless and innocent. He deserves a chance and his mama deserves he gets a chance. She's been through so much heartache in her 30 years already.

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Also, I am in pain today. Horrible, burning pain. I'm days away from starting and I can feel it. I am miserable but I have so much to do. We're hosting my work party here tonight and my coworkers and their spouses will be here all evening. God, give me strength to be the pain warrior I know I am!!

2012 Patron Saint

Happy 2012!!! I welcome you with open arms but I hope you don't fly by as fast as 2011 did!

In 2010 I went here to get my patron saint for 2011. It was St Scholastica and I believe it was her intercession which made our fostering experience so mild compared to most. It could have been a terrible storm where we came out stripped completely bare and exposed but it wasn't. We do have some wounds to be healed but they will get there in time. Ironically, both of the boys schools sent Scholastica book order sheets every month!

This year I again wanted my own personal patron saint. A prayer warrior from Heaven. Sadly, Angela left the blogging community in May but, thankfully, there are other places we can go. It is amazing how a seemingly "random" name generator can pull up someone so perfect for me!

St. Erasmus (Elmo)

Feast: June 2

Patronage: Against Abdominal Pains; Against Appendicitis; Against Birth Pains; Against Childhood Intestinal Disease; Against Colic; Against Danger at Sea; Against Intestinal Disorders; Against Seasickness; Against Stomach Diseases; Against Storms; Childbirth; Navigators; Ordnance Workers; Sailors; Women in Labor

See the focus on the stomach and intestinal areas? I've been suspecting for a year that something is going to need to be done surgically again for my endo. I have an appointment in March with my gyno and I want to discuss my options with her again. The pain has been about unbearable and my cycles have shorted up so much that I have one every 23 days. I really only have about 14 days every month where I am not spotting or flowing. That's not right. And it's not fun. I live on ibuprofen for about 6 days every cycle. I'm going to kill my stomach and intestines at this rate. We'll see what she says.

Happy a happy weekend and I hope you all have a healthy and happy 2012!!