A different kind of waiting

C's dad was denied custody. The FOC wants to wait and see what happens with Mom's next hearing in August. So, they'll both be with us for 2 more months at least! This waiting so resembles TTC! We just live in 60 to 90 day time frames rather than 2 week ones.

I'll be okay....

I seriously have only 5 minutes or so so I'll make this short and sweet. C's dad has a custody hearing tomorrow (Thursday) at 4pm with Friend of the Court. If he wins, C will be leaving us. I have mixed emotions. In my mind I have known that these boys most likely won't become available for adoption. I have kept myself somewhat detached. There were several times, times that were rough, where I thought to myself that I couldn't wait until they leave. I think it's been a defense mechanism or something. Then there are times, times when my heart takes over, when I think I want them to stay forever. I have to remind myself that they are not my children and they most likely never will be.

Family, friends, acquaintances - they all ask if I'll be okay if the boys leave. Yes, I will be okay. God has seen to it that I am always okay. I won't ever be the same, but I'll be okay. I'll let you know how things turn out tomorrow. It may not be for a few days because I may be packing up a little boy to move on. Say a prayer for him, that whatever happens is what is best for him. Only God knows and I hope he shares his wisdom with a certain judge tomorrow.

Having a rough go of it

Our family is having a rough go of it lately and we could use your prayers.

I found out Wednesday night that my step-dad has a mass on his left kidney. He wasn't feeling good up camping last weekend, sore throat and such, but he thought it was just a cold. On Tuesday he was running a fever of almost 103. My mom finally got him to go to the ER Tuesday night and it was there that she found out he hadn't been able to urinate on and off since Sunday. He wasn't too worried about it since sometimes some foods and drinks enlarge his prostate. (He's almost 61 and evidently men get these issues?) Usually he just has to stop eating or drinking whatever it is and everything goes normal again. His sore throat and fever ended up being strep throat but the doctor was worried about the peeing issue so he ordered a cat scan. That is when they found the mass. They are scheduling a high resolution cat scan that should show whether the mass is cysts or a tumor. We are all praying for cysts.

This man has been in my life my whole life. He and my dad were best friends right up until my parents divorced. Then my mom married him. They have been married for almost 25 years. He is now my dad. I was so lucky to have two dads who would do anything for us. This man never tried to take the place of my dad, he was just there right when we needed him. I hope he still will be for a long time to come.

The other issues, which I haven't had time to write about, are with four of my mom's eight brothers. The first uncle to have a health issue almost died a few weeks ago. His heart completely stopped at work and if the guy that he was working with hadn't had previous heart trouble and hadn't known what to do he would be dead. He ended up needing a pacemaker/defibrillator and he is doing great now.

The second uncle has had prostrate trouble for years (it runs in the family). He went in for a procedure to cauterize the prostate and the doctor ended up piercing his bladder. He needs to use a catheter for the foreseeable future. Then he ended up with an E-Coli infection from the procedure and has been on IV antibiotic infusions for the last 10 days.

The third uncle, one who is very close to me in age and I am great friends with too, had neck surgery on Tuesday. He had disks that were ready to rupture so they removed the disks and replaced them with cadaver parts. I call him Cadaver-Dog now. Praise the Lord, he came home Wednesday and is doing great! He has some discomfort from the incision but no neck or nerve pain.

The uncle with the pierced bladder and another uncle need to have the same surgery that C-Dog just had. Bad necks and backs also run in the family.

Can you see why it's been so rough? The stuff going on with the boys and their mom are small beans compared to everything else. I feel like I should just spend an entire day on my knees in prayer and praise but I have way too many responsibilities. Instead, I find myself reaching up constantly and gripping the cross I wear with my St Gerard medal. The way things have gone if we just hold on to hope and faith and love and trust, it has all worked out okay. I hope that trend continues.

Guilty as charged

I only have a couple minutes so I want to quickly let you know how court went. Mom lost. She was found guilty on all the items in the petition. However, reunification is still the goal. They will schedule another hearing in about 90 days. They have also granted C's dad unsupervised visits once a week BUT he lives 4 hours away. We'll have to transport C half way. That means C will spend 8 hours in the car every weekend. That also means D will have to spend 8 hours in the car on the weekends my hubby works. I don't mind the driving but it sucks that we don't get mileage for these trips. I also hate that we'll be running so much. Mom will be getting a 2nd visit each week, possibly in her home. So that is 3 parent visits in 7 days, one an overnighter. 4 days of transporting. And we both work full time.

My hubby says enough is enough. He hates the system, hates how much of this is dumped on the foster parents. He hates the constant juggling.  The kids are horrible for 2 days after seeing their mom. Now we get to deal with it twice a week. He wants the kids moved, wants his life back. In a way I do too but I'm not sure how my life will go on with a hole in my heart.