I made it

I made it! I survived spending the entire day with my boss, three hours of it in the car, and it was actually quite pleasant. We even talked about that taboo subject: adoption!

She asked a lot of questions about our different options and I came to the realization that her comments and questions were completely coming from ignorance. She didn't understand the process. She didn't understand me and my feelings and my strengths and my weaknesses. She didn't understand that no matter what happens, whether it is a disruption or a rough placement or a failed adoption, I will be okay!

Through the grace of God alone, I will be okay.

I'm sure we're not out of the woods yet. I'm sure there will still be things said that will hurt me but I know she has my best interest at heart. She has told me that before but my own insecurities made it hard to believe. I believe it now but I just have to remember!

#2

Our case worker sent me an e-mail yesterday about a child. This time it was a 9 year old girl. This is her profile on the MA.RE site:


Shianne is a sweet and pleasant girl who is full of energy. She is friendly, engaging and can achieve a lot when she sets her mind to it. Shianne can be very vocal in her opinions and wise beyond her years in some matters. She likes to be outdoors but says, “I do not like to fish.” Shianne enjoys hanging out with older children. She likes ice cream, animals, staying up late, wrestling and taking naps.

Shianne has been diagnosed with epilepsy and needs to be monitored for any issues that should arise. She is working on establishing a consistent daily routine. Shianne is learning how to manage her feelings through constructive means. At times, she can have trouble staying focused on the task at hand causing her to act out negatively. Shianne admits to not being a big fan of school, especially math. However, she has been working hard and has made great progress in her studies during the school year.


Shianne relates best to female authority figures so a single parent family or a two parent family with an emotionally secure male would be best for Shianne. The family will need to be understanding and patient with Shianne as she has had a hectic past. Shianne will need a family who will provide her with a structured and a consistent home environment. The family will need to be firm with Shianne as she may test a potential adoptive family to make sure they will be committed to her. The adoptive family will need to help Shianne develop a consistent daily routine and continue her progress in her schoolwork. It is important that Shianne be allowed to maintain contact with her siblings as they are important relationships to her.


And this is what her CW had to say about her:

Shianne has had a hard life and is very independent as a result. She presents as sweet but requires a lot of supervision and structure, which she doesn't want. She will not be easy to handle at first as she can bevery direct and bossy. A family needs to be strong emotionally, determinate and see it though. I've had others back out when Shianne started to be defiant and test their commitment to her. I'm looking for a special family that has experience or at least is aware that it won't be easy. If you believe your family has the skills and emotional status required, please respond with why you believe they could be a goodmatch. E-mail and I'll note it when we review the home studies.


We bowed out on this girl. We don't feel qualified at this time to take on her on. We didn't think it would be fair to Shianne and it would be hard for us. I pray she will find a family soon who is qualified to parent her. I know that family is out there somewhere. We are trusting that when the right child for us comes along God will tell us!

I forgot.....

I forgot to mention that I get to spend 3+ hours alone in the car and another 8 hours in IRA training with my boss tomorrow. Yay. God, please give me strength!

My plan to not talk about the adoption with her has worked so far. Yesterday was a flook as I was not the one to bring it up. It's sad I can't talk about it with or around her but it's better for my feelings to avoid the topic all together. I'll continue as I have been waiting until she is out of the office or tied up in some other way to talk with my other coworkers who are extremely excited and supportive.

Have a great Tuesday. Toodles everyone:)

You drive, I'll ride

I know, I know. It's been weeks since I posted. Normally I just don't have that much to say! Once in awhile I will comment but know when I'm not commenting I am still reading your posts and praying for you all. I am trying to spend most of my time in prayer and listening for God's voice in my day to day activities.


I do have something to share and I request that you pray along with us for our future adoption. It seems we keep going in circles.


In the last few days we've gotten a couple of leads on local children that will be available for adoption. Two are siblings, a boy and a girl ages 3 and 5, who are being raised by their 70-something grandparents. The grandparents have decided it is not in the children's best interest for them to parent any longer. They are looking for a local, Christian couple to adopt their grandchildren so they can still be Grandma and Grandpa to these kids.


The second lead I just found out about today. My former former co-worker G was in today and asked how our child search was coming along. I told her we were still waiting and she replied that she had a baby for us. Her friend's daughter is pregnant with her second child. She has decided to put the baby up for adoption. It is a boy and she is due the beginning of February. The grandmother works with E and her daughter mentioned us specifically as prospective adoptive parents. She knows of our struggle as does her daughter. I don't know if they are looking for an open adoption but we would be fine with it knowing this family as we do.

My boss was standing with me in my teller window when G was asking me if we would be interested in adoption this child. I immediately said yes but you can imagine my boss' response. She immediately told me E would have to be the one to take leave from work because she has two people off on maternity leave in February, March and April. And then, she asked G if the mother drinks during pregnancy. She went off on her negative tirade. I am so glad G saw exactly how my boss has been during this entire process.

After G left, my boss said she hoped I don't get all excited and get my hopes up and she's only looking out for me like a mother would. Nope, I am sorry, my mother does not immediately see the negative in every prospective adoption. She does not tell me she hopes a child becomes available when it is convenient for her. She does not tell me don't get excited. My mother understands completely when I tell her I have succumbed to God's will and He will dictate the time of our adoption. My boss has no clue.

Those whom I love and those who truly love me are hoping that every prospective adoption is "the one". They are not concerned with "perfect timing". We are all concerned with the health and safety of our future child(ren) but we are leaving it in God's hands. He will not lead us astray.


With the other adoption I previously wrote about here the girl has decided to parent. Actually, her parents decided she will parent. I knew it would be like this. Up and down, round and round but that's okay. Life is a highway, God's the driver and I'm just along for the ride.

10 surprising things:)

Thanks JBTC for tagging me in the 10 Surprising Things meme! Here goes nothing!

1. I am the most nonathletic person in my family. I always have been and I always will be. My 6 year old cousin has more athleticism than me. And, that's okay! Someone has to be on the sidelines cheering every one on. If you can't be an athlete, be an athletic supporter!

2. Not only am I nonathletic, I am also a major klutz. My parents always, always had a first-aid kit in their cars, in the camper, at home....just for me! I carry on the tradition but now I take care of my own bumps and bruises. If someone is going to get hurt, it'll be me!

3. I was a band-geek in school. Ate, slept and breathed my clarinet! Did concert band, marching band, pep band and got mad when I couldn't do jazz band. Band director said clarinets didn't belong in jazz band. Did he ever hear Benny Goodman do jazz? That director was missing out if he hadn't!

4. I once hit a garbage can driving into a blinding sunset. It was the start of my senior year and I was driving west heading to my aunt and uncle's house. I couldn't see a thing due to the sunset, crossed the center-line and smashed right into a trash-can! Luckily, it was rubber-made and bounced right over my car. No damage to me, the car or the trash-can.

5. I don't visit the graves of my loved ones very often. I think of my dad and grandparents every day. They are with me all the time. It makes me so sad to see the trinkets and items left at grave sites. I can sympathize with people who do visits graves regularly but I know my loved ones are not there.

6. I love Laura Ingalls Wilder. Seriously, I love her. I wanted to teach in a one-room school in the middle of nowhere when I grew up. You know, they still have one-room schools? I have her children's books, several biographies, a photo scrap-book and a Little House cookbook. I got into a huge fight with my hubby and our friends when we drove out to South Dakota because they wouldn't drive just 20 miles to DeSmet where the Ingall's family finally settled and Laura met Almanzo. I got mad, too, because they kept calling Almanzo, Alphonzo. Yes, I hold a grudge!

7. I have an unhealthy addiction to long-sleeved t-shirts. I have way too many but I can't stop myself!

8. Even though I am nonathletic I love running shoes. They make me feel slightly more athletic. And, a little bit taller.

9. I don't do the lawn. I think I've mown a lawn once in my entire life and that was at a friend's house when we were teenagers and I helped her with her chores.

10. The only book I have ever started and been unable to finish was Last of the Mohican's. I hated that book with a passion but I loved the movie.

And, that's it! I tag the following gals. Play along if you want but I won't be offended if you don't!

Sew Infertile (Sorry..you got me into blogging in the first place!)
Hope and Faith (I know you're on the road but you're almost there!)
Allie's Pursuit of Motherhood
Little Catholic Bubble
Life From Inside the Wheelbarrow

Highs and lows and hurricane winds

Thanks for your well-wished since Thursday! This is going to be a roller-coaster ride the next few months. I tried to not get too excited on Thursday but I think the first call can really set you off. I should have known the first time is not a charm.

Thursday's call really got me motivated! I finished the touch-up painting in the bedroom this morning and now I'm working on a window valance for a boy's theme. I'm trying to have bedding and such for either sex. I'm set with curtains, bedding and rugs to go with either. Now I'm going to order some prints for the walls for either as well. That way I can throw them in some frames and get them on a wall with very little notice.

This is so exciting! Once we get our license, which should be any day, things could happen very quickly! It's is just going to depend on the child's case. I am still holding out hope to be a mother by Christmas!

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I still cannot believe we're not doing anything this weekend! We have done something every Labor Day weekend since we first started dating. That's 15 Labor day weekends we've been together now! We decided not to do the annual family thing up north because we thought we'd be seeing a child this weekend. Then, we toyed with taking the car ferry across to Wisconsin and camping with JBTC and her hubby but something kept holding me back from making plans. Then, Thursday's call came and I thought that was the reason. Now I know it was the 11 to 14 foot waves and 50 mph winds that were going to be on Lake Michigan this weekend! It's funny how God puts things in your head. I knew there was some reason we just shouldn't plan a Wisconsin trip this weekend. The wind here was wicked yesterday! It has calmed down now but the big lake is still roaring!


The meteorologist on our local station was comparing Hurricane Earl's system to the storm system we have over Michigan right now. He said that a hurricane is just a low pressure system and our system is a low as well. The system over Michigan is actually a stronger system that Hurricane Earl and it's helping push Earl out! The difference with these two systems is that the hurricane had a ton of precipitation with it and the one over Michigan did not. I love meteorology! I think I missed my calling!

But now, my valance is calling! I can't figure out my sewing machine so I'm doing the stitching by hand!

Disappointment #1

Follow-up to phone call #1

The foster family has decided to adopt. I can see how this will go. Ride up the wave of excitement. Ride back down the wave of disappointment.

It's okay! God's hand is guiding each wave and he knows exactly where we'll land.

I'll try to keep breathing through the whole ride!

Call #1

We got our first call yesterday on a child.

My phone rings all day long at work and I never know who it'll be (no caller ID at work). When I answered, I heard our case worker's voice on the other end. My heart stuttered a bit. She wanted to talk to us about a very preliminary case involving a 7 year old boy. He has been in foster care since March 2008 due to neglect. He had a very severe injury when a big screen TV fell on him. How could something like that happen???

He is completely healed from his injury and the only lasting effect is that he has to wear glasses. DH and I both wear glasses! His CW says he is a very normal, healthy boy and he is not aggressive. He has been diagnosed with ADHD. So many very active, healthy children in America have been labeled ADHD that I'm not worried a bit about that!

His CW says he would do well with a very attentive family. Being an only child would be good for him. I didn't ask how he is with animals but I'll have to find that out.

I have many more questions to ask her but there is time. I asked her to schedule a meeting:)