Brrr......

Just a quick note! Today is my hubby's brithday so we are heading out for dinner with some friends. My wonderful guy is 38 today! I really hoped he knocked me up for his birthday, LOL!

This is funny! It is so cold and windy here that I am wearing long-johns under my jeans to go out for dinner. I love Michigan winters with a stiff wind right off Lake Michigan!

Oh congratulations to Hafsa and her hubby on their two pack! I am so happy for them! God has truely blessed them!

End of the line

Yay! I took my last ever clomid last Tuesday and I ovulated yesterday! Things are really falling into place this month. I am praying, praying, praying for this month to be the month! After this cycle, no more clomid for me. We've tried it three times and my ovaries get overstimulated and miserable feeling - it's just not worth the misery since it doesn't work anyway. If this cycle fails yet again it's time to move on to plan B, adoption.

I have been studying Michigan's website of waiting children. There are two little brothers who have peaked our interest. A 10 year old and a 5 year old. I have been praying on this and haven't heard my answer yet. My path is still not clear.

Maybe this month will be the month. I have been wearing a bracelet a friend made for me about three years ago. She called it a fertility bracelet. Well, that bracelet is on its last strings. She said when the bracelet finally breaks I should be pregnant. Hopefully its demise is perfectly timed with a BFP! If not, plan B!

What a man!

I tried to give my brother some advice yesterday that I thought would help him through the process of reuniting with his wife. It is very hard to tell my brother anything and know that he is accepting it. I first told him that marriage needs to be the most intimate relationship you will ever have with any human being in your entire life. I was not talking about the bedroom, either. I told him it starts with being totally honest and open about all your thoughts and feelings. If you take your feelings elsewhere or keep them bottled up you are not being honest. Then communication breaks down, neither one of you are listening, he stops talking, she stops talking,......the marriage breaks down. My hope is that they can begin to talk openly and honestly and not fly off the handle and have it turn into a huge fight. I have seen first hand how they shut down during a fight. At this point, it is counterproductive.

Secondly, I told him they will both need to forgive and forget and move forward. My hubby and I were told way back, 14 years ago, at our pre-cana classes, to always forgive and forget. Don't throw things out from the past. The past is the past.

I hope they can use these two little pieces of advice. The counseling starts this week for my brother and hopefully they will start counseling together within a few weeks depending on their individual progress.

My hubby and I talked about my conversation with my brother last night. E and I have a very open relationship. We tell each other everything! I have known my guy for over 22 years. I met him when I was a freshman in high school. He has seen me through the worst of times. Every obstacle has make us stronger. I am glad I have such a strong and supportive husband. He can handle all that life has thrown me. My hubby had a very happy childhood. He has always been strong and healthy with parents who were always there for him supporting him in all that he has done. I did not have that. I was a sickly child and I am not always healthy in my adult life. He has stepped up and supported me through all the trials of endometriosis, infertility, food allergies, migraines......the list goes on and on! I thank God every day for a strong and caring husband, my best friend and life partner.

Now, I must get myself ready for church and a day of laundry. How do just two people end up with 5 loads of laundry every week? I should work on this all week long instead of just Sunday's.....I think I'll start this week! Have a blessed Sunday!

An answered prayer

Praise God! One of my recent prayers have been answered!

I just got off the phone with my brother. He called to let me know that he has a doctor's appointment next week as well as an appointment with a councilor. He and his wife are also talking about trying to reconcile. This is what I have prayed for! For both of them to seek help and to at least try. I will continue to pray for a positive outcome for both of them. I just want them both to be happy.

Can you hear it?

I was given a very cute picture today of my hubby. It is cute because he looks so good and he's holding a baby. The painful thing is that I have half a dozen pictures of him holding other couples babies but not our own. It is a painful reminder of what we are missing out on.



I am still praying very hard for guidance from The Lord. I know what I want but is it the right thing?Are we meant to be childless so we can focus on something else? Should be do IUI or IVF? Is my catholic beliefs interfering with our chance to get pregnant by not going the assisted route? Should be adopt? Foreign or domestic? China, Haiti, Mongolia, Russia????? Infant or waiting child? My head could burst.

This is my day to day train of thought. Second guessing every idea that comes to my head. Not wanting to do the wrong thing. I don't want to do something and not be able to take it back. I don't want to welcome a child into my home and then find out I cannot live with him. These are my fears.

I think these fears may be deep-seated from my childhood. My father told me years ago that my mother didn't want children. She had two with my dad. But when my parents divorced my mom sat in that room with the judge and told him she did not want us. She said that in front of us. We stayed with my dad. And she moved to Florida with my dad's best friend. This may be way too much put out there but it made a huge impact on my brother and I. I feel like I have dealt very well with my past. I have forgiven my mom and we have a pretty good relationship now. But these little insecurities sneak up now and again and put a veil of doubt over me. I can still see the negative impact our childhood had on my brother. I won't even start in this post about his problems.

We did not live a charmed life.

Anyway, this is what I am dealing with. Searching for guidance, afraid I may be hearing something God is not saying. We'll see if I am listening when the answer does come.

You're in my heart

I just want my Lenten Prayer Buddy to know, we're thinking about adopting! Not a baby, but a child or two out of foster care. We have a long way to go but the process has started:) I am scared. unsure, questioning but it seems God has put this in my head and heart. We'll see where it leads......Have a wonderful Tuesday, everyone!

Seriously?

I seriously had a terrible day Tuesday. Not only was it cycle day 1 with 3 PG announcements but I also found out my time off for vacation in July has been blocked by our new CEO. The credit union that I work for is getting a new core processor around August 1st and our CEO has blocked all vacations two weeks prior until two weeks after. I know I should not take this personally but I am! I have taken the same 8 days off for the last 5 years. There is a big group of us that camp up in Indian River, MI for 10 days. This is my only vacation I take from the CU and we make our reservations for the following year before we leave each summer! It is an awesome trip. I look forward to this trip all year long. I am so bummed! My wonderful hubby suggested I quit! "And do what?" I asked? "Maybe we could become foster parents. You could be a stay-at-home foster mom." "Seriously?" I asked?


Seriously, I was blown away. Those were the last words I expected to hear from his lips.


For now, it's just a thought. I like my job and I like what I do but I don't love it. I take pride in what I do and I try my hardest but it is a dead-end job, literally. The only way I can go anywhere in it is if the branch manager is no longer there. And that isn't happening anytime soon. So, I coast doing what I have done for the last 11 1/2 years. I am hoping maybe one day we'll grow enough to be made an assistant but for now that is nowhere in sight.

Don't get me wrong. I am so thankful to have a job in this day and age. I think I may just be bored with it.


Sigh. I had better start getting ready for work. Again.

Unbelieveable!

Three pregnancies announcements in two days.


I cannot believe it! Two of the gals already have five kids, the other, it's her first.


For me, it's cycle day 1.



If we hadn't started talking about adopting I think I would put my head down and bawl!

A Huge Thanks and Being Blessed

First, I want to thank Joy Beyond The Cross for her wonderful donation for the people of Haiti. We will be able to do so much with her gift! With 10 days yet to go it looks like we'll make my friend K's 1 ton goal of bandages, towels and wash clothes to send by St. Valentine's Day!

**********************************************************

Oh my gosh, I think I am in the middle of an epidemic! My brother-in-law, A, is now sleeping in the basement! He and my sister-in-law have been married for almost seven years and have three children ages 4, 2 and almost 6 months. A called Hubby yesterday to tell him how unhappy he is. I cannot believe this. What is this world coming to????

*********************************************************

Again, I feel so incredibly blessed. The only thing I am lacking in my life is children and we have not exhausted that quest yet. I am at the point in my life, dealing with infertility for almost twelve years, where I know that if I never am a mother I would be okay. I am sure that there would be periods of sadness and loneliness and longing for the children and grandchildren I never had. I am sure there would be some regret. But I know I could survive it. It has taken me twelve years to know this in my heart. My eyes still tear up a little when I think of never being a mother but my chest no longer gets heavy and my throat no longer swells. This infertile life has made me stronger.