My sacrifice

So today is Ash Wednesday. The beginning of the Lenten Season. As a child I was always in awe of the solemnity of Lent. The change in the liturgy and the music at Mass. The change is our household and in my grandparents household. The fasting, obstaining, sacrifice. It was always a time to reflect inward at the sacrifice of Jesus on the cross and also a time to give more of one's self as a sacrifice as well.

This year I am not giving up anything for Lent. I will fast and obstain and spend more time in prayer and reflection. I will give more of myself to my husband and to the children in my home. I am not giving anything up for Lent because in a few months time, maybe less, I will be giving a part of myself up. I will be making a sacrifice that I never, ever thought I would need to make.

The title of my blog is some how, some way, some day for a reason. I always thought that I would be a mother. I didn't see any other way to live my life. Well, I need to see my future differently now. I need to see that some how, some way, some day I can be happy without children.

When C and D leave this home to go back to their mother or to their fathers or to some other relation I will no longer be a mother. I will be a former foster parent. And some how, some way, life will go on. And that will be my sacrifice.