The ramblings of a somewhat crazy woman

Hey, I haven't had a chance to update you all on Baby V. His surgery went well and his mama reports that once the surgeon saw the tumor he didn't think it was cancerous. They are waiting on the final pathology but it looks good. V should heal quickly and grow up healthy and strong. Praise God!!

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Now that we are not "actively" parenting or trying to become parents I am struggling to find something to write about. E wasn't entirely happy over the last 11 months so I don't know that we will foster again. We're taking an agency required break until the the judge signs permanency back to their mom. We are part of the boy's "safety net" so we have to keep their beds ready until the judge signs off on their case. The next hearing is January 26th but the judge has until March to sign off so we may be on hiatus until then. Or longer if E decides he can't do it again.

I think we waited to long to become parents. I think we are so comfortable in our life without parenting responsibilities that it is too late. We turned selfish and lazy and, let me tell you, fostering is work. It is constantly 1 step forward and then 2, or sometimes 3, steps back. There are so many people influencing these little souls and we aren't on the same page at all. For the last month that the boys were with us we had them Sunday, Monday and Tuesday nights and they were with their mom the rest of the time. They came home Sunday night exhausted. Monday morning was a struggle to get them up for school. Monday, Tuesday and Wednesday were a constant battle to get them to listen, follow rules and act appropriately. At Mama's house, anything goes. They sleep where they want, wear what they want, eat what they want and do whatever the hell they want to when they want to do it! That last month was so confusing for those boys! We were strict with them, life was very structured and they improved so much. All it took was a few days with mama to undo it all.

The day that they went home, December 7th, I took D to school and put C on the bus. That was where we said our goodbyes. D knew he wasn't coming back but C kept saying he'd be back in a few days. That night was D's kindergarten Christmas program. We met up with their family and sat with them. My mom and MIL went, too. C was horrible through the whole program. He actually hit his mom during the program and, when my mom told him not to hit his mom, he tried to hit my mom. Of course, she stopped him and chewed him out and made him tell his mama he was sorry. His own mother didn't say a word! They were all so obnoxious, standing up and yelling and hooting and hollering for a kindergartner on stage with 119 other kindergartners who couldn't see a thing because the auditorium was dark and the stage was brightly lit. It was embarrassing. It's sad to think how these boys will turn out. Thinking that their family is the primary influence on these boys future freaks me right out.

We went up to their house on Christmas Day to take the boys a gift from our neighbor and I was sickened by what I saw. I cannot believe that the "powers" that be are okay with children living in squalor. That's how they live, in squalor. Dirty, stinky, nasty are the words I use to describe their home. Sick and sad, that's how I feel about this whole mess. Then I saw on FB where she wrote on her husband's page that she was sorry that things were rough right now but they would improve. Know what comment he made? "Yeah, maybe because it's Christmas but you still shouldn't have smoked that." SMOKED WHAT??? OMGosh, now they're admitting she's smoking something on FB?? And you know what?? No one cares!! Frustrates the hell out of me, as you can tell. I have to stop thinking about it or I will go crazy.

I did contact the waiting child site and our adoption caseworker about a 6 y-o boy that is available for adoption. Haven't heard anything from anyone and it was Monday that I emailed and called. Grrr....

I need something to do. I guess I'll start rolling bandages again, maybe organize another food drive, boot and coat drive, food drive for the animal shelter...something before I have a nervous breakdown.