A different kind of waiting

C's dad was denied custody. The FOC wants to wait and see what happens with Mom's next hearing in August. So, they'll both be with us for 2 more months at least! This waiting so resembles TTC! We just live in 60 to 90 day time frames rather than 2 week ones.

I'll be okay....

I seriously have only 5 minutes or so so I'll make this short and sweet. C's dad has a custody hearing tomorrow (Thursday) at 4pm with Friend of the Court. If he wins, C will be leaving us. I have mixed emotions. In my mind I have known that these boys most likely won't become available for adoption. I have kept myself somewhat detached. There were several times, times that were rough, where I thought to myself that I couldn't wait until they leave. I think it's been a defense mechanism or something. Then there are times, times when my heart takes over, when I think I want them to stay forever. I have to remind myself that they are not my children and they most likely never will be.

Family, friends, acquaintances - they all ask if I'll be okay if the boys leave. Yes, I will be okay. God has seen to it that I am always okay. I won't ever be the same, but I'll be okay. I'll let you know how things turn out tomorrow. It may not be for a few days because I may be packing up a little boy to move on. Say a prayer for him, that whatever happens is what is best for him. Only God knows and I hope he shares his wisdom with a certain judge tomorrow.

Having a rough go of it

Our family is having a rough go of it lately and we could use your prayers.

I found out Wednesday night that my step-dad has a mass on his left kidney. He wasn't feeling good up camping last weekend, sore throat and such, but he thought it was just a cold. On Tuesday he was running a fever of almost 103. My mom finally got him to go to the ER Tuesday night and it was there that she found out he hadn't been able to urinate on and off since Sunday. He wasn't too worried about it since sometimes some foods and drinks enlarge his prostate. (He's almost 61 and evidently men get these issues?) Usually he just has to stop eating or drinking whatever it is and everything goes normal again. His sore throat and fever ended up being strep throat but the doctor was worried about the peeing issue so he ordered a cat scan. That is when they found the mass. They are scheduling a high resolution cat scan that should show whether the mass is cysts or a tumor. We are all praying for cysts.

This man has been in my life my whole life. He and my dad were best friends right up until my parents divorced. Then my mom married him. They have been married for almost 25 years. He is now my dad. I was so lucky to have two dads who would do anything for us. This man never tried to take the place of my dad, he was just there right when we needed him. I hope he still will be for a long time to come.

The other issues, which I haven't had time to write about, are with four of my mom's eight brothers. The first uncle to have a health issue almost died a few weeks ago. His heart completely stopped at work and if the guy that he was working with hadn't had previous heart trouble and hadn't known what to do he would be dead. He ended up needing a pacemaker/defibrillator and he is doing great now.

The second uncle has had prostrate trouble for years (it runs in the family). He went in for a procedure to cauterize the prostate and the doctor ended up piercing his bladder. He needs to use a catheter for the foreseeable future. Then he ended up with an E-Coli infection from the procedure and has been on IV antibiotic infusions for the last 10 days.

The third uncle, one who is very close to me in age and I am great friends with too, had neck surgery on Tuesday. He had disks that were ready to rupture so they removed the disks and replaced them with cadaver parts. I call him Cadaver-Dog now. Praise the Lord, he came home Wednesday and is doing great! He has some discomfort from the incision but no neck or nerve pain.

The uncle with the pierced bladder and another uncle need to have the same surgery that C-Dog just had. Bad necks and backs also run in the family.

Can you see why it's been so rough? The stuff going on with the boys and their mom are small beans compared to everything else. I feel like I should just spend an entire day on my knees in prayer and praise but I have way too many responsibilities. Instead, I find myself reaching up constantly and gripping the cross I wear with my St Gerard medal. The way things have gone if we just hold on to hope and faith and love and trust, it has all worked out okay. I hope that trend continues.

Guilty as charged

I only have a couple minutes so I want to quickly let you know how court went. Mom lost. She was found guilty on all the items in the petition. However, reunification is still the goal. They will schedule another hearing in about 90 days. They have also granted C's dad unsupervised visits once a week BUT he lives 4 hours away. We'll have to transport C half way. That means C will spend 8 hours in the car every weekend. That also means D will have to spend 8 hours in the car on the weekends my hubby works. I don't mind the driving but it sucks that we don't get mileage for these trips. I also hate that we'll be running so much. Mom will be getting a 2nd visit each week, possibly in her home. So that is 3 parent visits in 7 days, one an overnighter. 4 days of transporting. And we both work full time.

My hubby says enough is enough. He hates the system, hates how much of this is dumped on the foster parents. He hates the constant juggling.  The kids are horrible for 2 days after seeing their mom. Now we get to deal with it twice a week. He wants the kids moved, wants his life back. In a way I do too but I'm not sure how my life will go on with a hole in my heart.

No time on my hands

Seriously, I have no time! No time to write, no time to read. It's all boys, all the time! But, it is so worth it!

Just wanted to let you all know the trial was moved from May 26th to May 31st. Maybe. According to the kid's attorney, that may not happen. The saga continues.

We are going to camping for Memo.rial Weekend. I am so excited! Excited because E is taking the boys up on Thursday after D's preschool graduation and I am staying home until Friday. Home alone. And, I have Thursday off for graduation and to pack the camper. I'll be all alone from Thursday afternoon until I go to work Friday morning. What the heck am I going to do with myself? I should scrub floors but I will probably read blogs and go to bed early. Haha.

E's grandma passed away last Sunday and her funeral was Wednesday. She lived to the wonderful age of 86 years and 4 months. E is on bereavement leave until Wednesday and then he'll be on vacation until the following Tuesday. I am still working while he is off. Between the 2 of us we now have only 1 living grandparent. My Grandma B just turned 83 in April. She is slowing down considerably but is relatively good health.

On the job front, I had an interview on Tuesday! It is with a company that my uncle is VP of operations of. The position would be the plant operators assistant and doing a little HR and payroll things. I haven't heard anything yet but I felt the interview went well. I have the computer skills but I have zero manufacturing background. They package and ship calcium chloride nationwide for themselves and a couple of other companies. The plant operator and my uncle both said that even with a manufacturing background a person would still have to learn the business because it is a very unique business. I hope to hear something very soon. I had to do it all on the sly because I did not want my boss to get wind of anything.

Gosh, what else? Those of you on FB know my day to day stuff. It is never a dull moment around here but I don't want to change a thing. I love this life of mine even when I feel like running screaming from the house:)
Like right now when the two are screaming and fighting in the kitchen.

I am alive! (barely)

Yesterday was terrible, just terrible! And I am not being overly dramatic here. I cannot take drugs, they just mess me up! I haven't ate anything since Wednesday evening, did my prep all day Thursday and had my colonoscopy yesterday. Just now, at 6am Saturday morning, I kept some sprite and crackers down. I tell ya, those drugs messed me up!

The good news is that she didn't really find anything wrong. There is endo on my bowels, which I may need to get taken care of eventually, but nothing else. I had a lap in 2002 & 2003 where the doctor removed endo from my bowels but it has come back. My gyno will get the report from the internist and we'll go from there. I think if I need another surgery for the endo I'll just have a hysterectomy. Three surgeries for endo in 10 years is just too much. I'll try to keep my ovaries so I don't know completely menopausal but I cannot tolerate any more surgeries. I'll have to have it laproscopically since I can't take pain meds. I hate this! Why can't I just be normal?

The ambulatory staff was just awesome yesterday. It didn't hurt that my aunt was one of the RN's so I got awesome treatment. Extra blankets, rubbing my back while I puked, lunch for my MIL. They were wonderful!

I have to thank M for posting my prayer request! I felt it, girls, and I truly needed it! I'll post more when I'm feeling better.

This and that

I might actually be able to write a real post today since I have a total of 4 (yes that's a 4!) days off in a row!!Wowza! I took today off to prep for my colonoscopy tomorrow. Does that really count as 2 days off? Prep and procedure? I'll say yes because I have high hopes that it won't be a total wash.

I have had a couple sick boys. D has been sick for over a week with a cough and fever on and off and C started last Saturday with the same. It seemed like just a cold but because of their fevers we stayed home on Easter. E was working so it was just a quiet day with me and my boys. We were invited to my friend K's for brunch but I didn't want to expose her grand kids to anything my boys might have. We hung around the house and played with their Easter basket gifts and watched some cartoons and movies. Low-key, quiet day.

Monday I had to pick D up from school because he wouldn't stay awake. I took him to my MIL's and had to go back to work. E was guarding a jury trial so we couldn't take them to the doctor. After work E and I took them to the urgent care clinic at the hospital because they were still running fevers and C's cough was worse. They said D had the common cold but C had an ear infection. Again. So he got an antibiotic. D stayed home with my hubby on Tuesday but we sent him to school Wednesday. I get home last night and we had messages on the answering machine from the hospital's ER and from the doctor's office. The doctor's office wanted to know why we didn't take D in there since it wasn't an emergency situation and warned me that most likely the kids insurance won't pay a non-emergency visit. They didn't ask at all about C. Well, duh. Until doctor's offices are open 24 hours a day the clinic is the way we'll have to go! The message from the ER was asking us to call them. I called the ER (since they were open) and they said D had strep and the doctor was calling in a script. Huh. So it wasn't just the common cold. The rapid culture Monday night was negative but the other came back positive. I cannot wait to call the doctor's office today and tell that snooty nurse off. I am vindicated!

So I'll have both boys home until just after noon today. My MIL offered to watch them until E gets out of work so I won't be alone with them after the action starts. I have to take 4 Dulco.lax tablets at noon and then at 4 mix a 238g bottle of Myra.lax with 64oz of Gator.aid. I have to drink 8oz of the mix every 15 minutes until the mix is gone. I am obviously on a liquid diet all day today. I am enjoying one cup of coffee now and then I'll switch to clear liquids. Yee-haw. I have never done this before and the prep worries me. The scope itself feels like no big deal after two laps for endo. I know a lot of the ambulatory and surgical staff but I haven't met the doctor yet. I'll meet her tomorrow morning for the first time. Her hubby is my primary care physician, though.

It's almost 8 and the boys are still sleeping! They stayed up a little later last night since they didn't need to get up this morning. They are doing so good. They still see their mom once a week and C is supposed to see his dad every two weeks but he hasn't seen him in almost a month. D has only seen his dad once since they came to stay with us. The trial is still scheduled for May 25th and it sounds like whether Mom wins or looses they will still be able to go camping with us Memorial Weekend. I've been told that if they go back with Mom it is a gradual transition over a period of several weeks.

I have become quite attached to these two. They both can be quite challenging at times but when they test us I know they are testing our love and commitment along with our patience and tempers. Yesterday morning C was about unbearable. I wake them up at about 6:45 and I always wake them up with music and tickles on their cheeks. C always gets out of bed, turns on the light and then lays back down on the bed for me to get his jammies and diaper off. He wakes up smiling and laughing and talking.Yesterday he layed back down and pulled the blankets over his head. I knew I was in for it. He was so mad at me for everything I did. I put him on the potty (we're potty training) and he wouldn't look at me. He said he was mad at me. That's pretty funny coming from an almost 3 year old! Tried to get him dressed and he didn't like me. I could do nothing right. I got him dressed and then left him alone. He was fine by the time we left but it was a challenging hour or so!

I better run. I haven't written a long post in so long that I could just go on and on! I am excited for Prince William's wedding tomorrow! I only hope I am coherent enough to watch some of it!

Also, where is my Prayer Buddy? I haven't heard from you!