And we aren't even matched yet.....

I am dealing with a difficult situation involving my boss. Now, I love my boss as a person. Don't get me wrong there. She has some amazing qualities and her personality is very engaging. I have worked for her for 12 years and in the past I have loved her like a 2nd mother. But, even a person you love very much can rub you the wrong way at times and make you want to choke them.

I really think she has a problem with us adopting. More specifically, I think she has a problem with us adopting a child of a different race. I showed her the photo of a little girl that was put on the list just today. She is 3 and her name is LeeAnna. She is amazingly adorable. I have heard about people who know when they see "their" child. I felt an instant connection to this little girl the moment I saw her photo. My heart hit the floor. I was on lunch and in the lounge at work looking at the list on my laptop. My boss came through to use the restroom and I stopped her to show her the picture. My boss' response? "She's cute now but who knows how they'll turn out." Her words, verbatim. I was shocked. Speechless. It bothered me all afternoon. I cried in the car driving home. I related the conversation to my hubby and our friend this evening. They were both shocked.

I don't know what to do! I cannot let her attitude influence my decision. It is my life, after all. I used to be able to see myself retiring from this employer but not any more! Things have been just awful with this processor change and we've all been stressed to the max. If this was her first negative comment about our future children I could excuse it as stress from the job. But, it is not the first.

She keeps telling me we should just adopt one child. She had one and she was perfectly happy with that. So, I guess the rest of the world should be happy with just one. Then in the next breath she tells me she doubts I'll be happy raising a child that has been in foster care. Every time I talk about a child that is added to the list, whether or not we'll request the file, she asks if the child is Caucasian.

Give me a freaking break!

Each time, I say "no, she or he is African American", she hesitates and says, "well.....I guess, what ever you want". What??? What????? No one else in my life, from my huge family to our friends to the members I wait on at the credit union ask me what race our future child will be! They ask me where they are from. When I say they are a waiting child from Michigan people are thrilled! But, not my boss. She worries about the children still having contact with their birth families. She worries about the "type" of people these kids come from.

I am just sick to death of listening to her attitude about our adoption. I vowed today to not talk to her any more about it. I'll tell her when I need to take time off and I'll leave it like that. I am going to work on my resume and start to actively look for work elsewhere. If she is like this BEFORE the adoption how will she be AFTER? Will she shun my child every time she sees him or her? My hubby stops in to work to see me on his days off. He will have our child with him. My MIL, who will be our sitter when E is working, banks with my work. She will have our child with her when she is running errands. I don't want our child to feel unliked anywhere they go!

Sadly, we aren't even matched yet and I am sure this is just the start. Is this how other parents of African American or mixed race children feel? How do they get through the day? I don't worry about myself in the raising of our child(ren). I worry about society and the judgments they make. I worry about children being exposed to ignorance and hatred. God, give me wisdom and strength! Give me the knowledge to help children deal with the negative they will encounter in this life! Give me experience to guide them past all the mean and hateful people they will come in contact with! Help me to help them thrive in a society that just does not care about feelings and humanity.