My friend K

Would you all say a quick little prayer for my friend K? She is having her spinal surgery today. The world needs her to be whole so she can continue the good work she does for the less fortunate. She needs to be whole because she feels she cannot do her work in the physical state she is in.

God, I pray that K's surgery today is a smashing success and she'll be up and at 'em again in no time! Give her the strength and courage she needs to get through the surgery and heal so she can get back to organizing and inspiring and directing others to help the less fortunate in Haiti and Africa. She is an amazing woman, Lord, and only you know what she is truly capable of accomplishing. I know she can do great things through the gifts you have given her. Please guide the surgical team today to do the best they can for this wondering and inspiring woman. In Your name I pray, Amen!

What to do, what to do

What a week! A promotion at work that I never expected. Then my boss tells me that I'll be getting an office after the first of the year. SSShhhhh...It's a big secret but some MAJOR changes are coming down the pike!! Then, a job offer from my chiropractor!

Doc said the job is mine if I want it. He has a girl leaving in about seven weeks when her baby is born. It would be 4 days a week and less pay but I would be just a few minutes from my home and the school our kids will be attending. I would have an hour lunch, no weekends, evenings or holidays. Currently, I have a 10 minute drive to work, no weekends, evenings or holidays and I work 5 days a week.

It's no secret that I haven't been totally thrilled with my employer over the last year. My boss' attitude has improved dramatically over the past few weeks and she is actually telling people now she is preparing to have 3 of us off back to back to back this winter and into spring. I think she's come to accept the fact that I will be a mother soon come hell or high water!

I'm so thankful to have such a great job. I never went to college and I have a position that people go to college to get a degree for. A senior loan officer. I've been there 12 years and make a great living. Yay for me. But, it's not all about the money. I love what I do. I love lending. I love helping people use credit responsibly. I love teaching people how to improve their financial situation. If if could be a lender and a financial planner in one profession I would be in Heaven.

Decision, decisions....I don't have long to decide. He wants me to start ASAP if I want the job. I am leaning towards staying at the credit union but I have to pray hard to see if that is where God wants me.

Good news for a change

I got a promotion! I got a promotion!!

I have been at my credit union for 12 years this past July 1st. I was made a secondary (bottom floor) loan officer almost 7 years ago near my 30th birthday. I've been a regular (middle floor) loan officer for almost 5 years. I was made a senior loan officer yesterday!! YAY!! I can approve (and deny) big loans now! Most of my work (approvals & denials) have been going in my boss' minutes for a long time since the majority of the loans I worked up were outside my parameters. Not anymore!! My minutes will finally reflect all the work I do and how little my boss actually does with loans.

E asked if I got a raise. Nope. An office. Nope. I will still be processing loans on the teller line between member transactions and only using the office to prepare documents and do closings. That is a bummer but oh well. I still have a job.

This morning E came in the bathroom when I was getting ready for work. He was playing with my grey hairs. He said they came with the senior loan officer position. I love that man. I think I need to celebrate with some highlights, don't you??

Okay?

This will be real quick as I am still processing. Birth mom got back together with her abusive boyfriend and they have decided to parent. Okay.

Another case worker has chosen us for 2 children, a boy and girl, ages 8 and 5. Suddenly their foster parents have decided to consider adopting. They would like to keep the children through the holidays and decide after the first of the year. Okay.

My case worker promised me today she will keep looking for a match for us. And she made me promise I will never let anyone say adoption is easy in front of me and not correct them. She understands our pain. She knows this journey has been so hard on us. And, she knows we're not giving up. Okay? Okay!

Can't even believe it!

She called my cell and I missed her call! I can't have my cell on at work and wouldn't you know it, that's the number she called. I got the voicemail when I left work at 6. E was home all day, I have an extension at work and my blasted case worker called my cell. I sent her an e-mail tonight but I doubt we'll hear anything before Monday. Blast!

The answer

First, thank you! For your prayers, for your support! I feel like the old lady on this infertility block. 12 years I've been riding this roller coaster and I thought I would get off this ride when we were approve to adopt. Not so, and how I hate roller coasters! I thought I would handle this better than I did yesterday. I've got experience! Thankfully days like yesterday are few and far between.

The answer to yesterday's meltdown came this morning. My temp plummeted a whole degree. Yep, hormone crash. I'm at the tail end of a 23 day cycle with a 9 day luteal phase. That's right, 23 days. That means I'll end another cycle right around Christmas. Great, 2 hormone crashes this month and a holiday I get to spend alone to boot!(More on that later!) I so miss the 30 day cycles I had while taking Clom.id. So very much.

I seem to be dropping off a day every month on my cycle. I'll be 37 in January so by my math I should be bleeding all month long by the time I'm 38! Not really, but that's how it feels. Maybe I'll hit menopause early? One can only hope!!

Have a blessed day! I know I will, I'm going to make myself!

Party pooper

I had a party this morning. Not a big one, just myself in attendance. I suspect the devil tried to enter, too, but I locked the door and wouldn't let him in. It was a pity party. A huge, slobbery, snotty pitty party.

Just yesterday I was telling an older couple I was doing a closing for that I was fine. I was being patient and trusting God in this whole process. I told them adoption was God's plan A all along and I just didn't know it. I told them how smooth the whole process has been and that we expect to be matched at any day. I was shining, radiant in my faith. I have wonderful family and terrific friends who are all praying for us and for our future children. I was totally trusting God in his plan for us.

Well, minutes after I got out of bed this morning, the other shoe fell. It started with an e-mail from Birthmom's mother, a coworker of E's, with a link to a list of children in the US waiting for adoption. My mind went into overdrive. If she was sending us that link, it meant her daughter has decided. She decided not to put her baby up for adoption. Or, maybe she didn't choose us. Why wouldn't she choose us? Birthmom was meeting with her CW yesterday and my CW said we should hear something shortly after. Then, my mind went into hyper-drive and it turned into an all-out panic attack. We'll never be parents. What will we do? How will we live? Why is God doing this to us? If we're not going to be parents, what are we supposed to be doing?????

It took a few minutes and half a dozen tissues but I manages to reel it in. I turned on my favorite Christian music station and took a breath. I kicked the devil out off my block and brought Christ back into the picture. I realized the stress of work, the upcoming childless Christmas, the prospect of spending an entire weekend with at my BIL's with their three wonderful children, the ever growing pregnant bellies at work, the endless wait and weeks of hearing nothing on any child.....it's getting to me. I think we should go away for Christmas....just the 2 of us.

I HAVE TO TRUST GOD!!!!I am struggling. And so help me, if my coworker stands next to be rubbing her belly today, I am afraid I will loose it! God, give me strength not to loose it in front of the 2 pregnant bellies today!!!! Oh man, and it's only Wednesday.......