Good things happening

I have good news! We have another foster placement!! Even better for us, this one could be permanent. The petition for termination has already been filed.

He's been with us just a few days but all is going good. He is 4 years old and coming to us from a severe neglect situation. Someone has been working with him though, possibly at preschool. He's smart; knows his colors, shapes, ABC's and 123's and can even read a little. Four years old! He's 42 lbs and 42 inches tall. Wearing a 5T or boys 5/6. And, he's a green-eyed redhead! My own little ginger:)

He has never had a man in his life. Dad hasn't been in the picture and, apparently, Mom hasn't had boyfriends. Little Man spent the last couple days one on one with E. I went to work and E stayed home so they could bond and build trust. It seems to have been a good decision on our part.

Next week Little Man will start daycare with the same provider our first kids had. She is super excited to have us back. We chose daycare over my MIL this time since he really needs socialization. He's on the waiting list for preschool but after meeting the teacher yesterday she moved him to the top. She talked with him a little and she thinks he'll be able to start kindergarten in the fall. His attention span and focus needs work but our daycare can help with that too. She does focus activities and had a pretty strict schedule and routine. That's what he certainly needs!

Everything is falling into place perfectly, including the timing of the termination. His CW is pushing for termination ASAP (he's been removed 3 times) and she knows we want to adopt. She considers us a great match for him and he doesn't have other family stepping up. He is a real trooper but we have our work cut out for us. He's been on his own for too long and he has had no structure.He's pretty easily redirected and corrected but it is exhausting on our part. Hopefully we will see improvement daily.

I guess that's it for now! I'll keep you all posted as time goes on. My heart is torn because I know in order for us to adopt him another mother will be loosing him. I know it's in his best interest not to go back.

Calling on my Sistas!

Well, ya'll, this is weird. If I didn't know better I'd swear that I was PG. It's been 6 1/2 years since I was pregnant but this feels so similar. E even mentioned it tonight. Weird stuff going on such as: abdominal discomfort and fullness (my pants don't fit), starving and then getting full after just a few bites, exhausted all the time (even after 8 hours of sleep) and needing to pee every 1/2 hour (and feeling like I have to go again right after I go). I would seriously think I was PG if Iwasn't on cycle day 11 and if my temp hadn't been down for 13 days. It can't be, I know that. My only other conclusion is that my endo is going haywire or I have fibroids. Any thoughts? I have an appt with my OB/GYN in April but I don't know if I should really wait. You gals are my experts! Thanks in advance:)

The ramblings of a somewhat crazy woman

Hey, I haven't had a chance to update you all on Baby V. His surgery went well and his mama reports that once the surgeon saw the tumor he didn't think it was cancerous. They are waiting on the final pathology but it looks good. V should heal quickly and grow up healthy and strong. Praise God!!

**************************************************************

Now that we are not "actively" parenting or trying to become parents I am struggling to find something to write about. E wasn't entirely happy over the last 11 months so I don't know that we will foster again. We're taking an agency required break until the the judge signs permanency back to their mom. We are part of the boy's "safety net" so we have to keep their beds ready until the judge signs off on their case. The next hearing is January 26th but the judge has until March to sign off so we may be on hiatus until then. Or longer if E decides he can't do it again.

I think we waited to long to become parents. I think we are so comfortable in our life without parenting responsibilities that it is too late. We turned selfish and lazy and, let me tell you, fostering is work. It is constantly 1 step forward and then 2, or sometimes 3, steps back. There are so many people influencing these little souls and we aren't on the same page at all. For the last month that the boys were with us we had them Sunday, Monday and Tuesday nights and they were with their mom the rest of the time. They came home Sunday night exhausted. Monday morning was a struggle to get them up for school. Monday, Tuesday and Wednesday were a constant battle to get them to listen, follow rules and act appropriately. At Mama's house, anything goes. They sleep where they want, wear what they want, eat what they want and do whatever the hell they want to when they want to do it! That last month was so confusing for those boys! We were strict with them, life was very structured and they improved so much. All it took was a few days with mama to undo it all.

The day that they went home, December 7th, I took D to school and put C on the bus. That was where we said our goodbyes. D knew he wasn't coming back but C kept saying he'd be back in a few days. That night was D's kindergarten Christmas program. We met up with their family and sat with them. My mom and MIL went, too. C was horrible through the whole program. He actually hit his mom during the program and, when my mom told him not to hit his mom, he tried to hit my mom. Of course, she stopped him and chewed him out and made him tell his mama he was sorry. His own mother didn't say a word! They were all so obnoxious, standing up and yelling and hooting and hollering for a kindergartner on stage with 119 other kindergartners who couldn't see a thing because the auditorium was dark and the stage was brightly lit. It was embarrassing. It's sad to think how these boys will turn out. Thinking that their family is the primary influence on these boys future freaks me right out.

We went up to their house on Christmas Day to take the boys a gift from our neighbor and I was sickened by what I saw. I cannot believe that the "powers" that be are okay with children living in squalor. That's how they live, in squalor. Dirty, stinky, nasty are the words I use to describe their home. Sick and sad, that's how I feel about this whole mess. Then I saw on FB where she wrote on her husband's page that she was sorry that things were rough right now but they would improve. Know what comment he made? "Yeah, maybe because it's Christmas but you still shouldn't have smoked that." SMOKED WHAT??? OMGosh, now they're admitting she's smoking something on FB?? And you know what?? No one cares!! Frustrates the hell out of me, as you can tell. I have to stop thinking about it or I will go crazy.

I did contact the waiting child site and our adoption caseworker about a 6 y-o boy that is available for adoption. Haven't heard anything from anyone and it was Monday that I emailed and called. Grrr....

I need something to do. I guess I'll start rolling bandages again, maybe organize another food drive, boot and coat drive, food drive for the animal shelter...something before I have a nervous breakdown.

Prayers...and pain

I'm asking you gals for some prayers, please. My almost 30 y-o cousin had a baby boy, V, on December 21st. She had previously lost 4 babies in the 1st and 2nd trimesters. This little boy was perfect. An easy pregnancy, an easy delivery, a very easy going baby. Until Wednesday. He started running a high fever and she took him to the ER. He had a bladder infection but the doctor suspected there was more so they transferred him to the best children's hospital in the state, 2 hours away. Yesterday he had a cat scan, an ultra sound and a spinal tap. What they found is horrifying. They found a tumor, which they suspect is cancer, in this 16 day old baby. Surgery is scheduled for Monday.

My cousin is scared to death. She's optimistic as the doctors say the cancer is most likely confined to the tumor. They are hopeful they will get it all and he will heal quickly. What scares us all is that her dad died shortly after my dad died, both of cancer, prostate and lung. Cancer is an evil word in our family.

Please, promise me you'll say some prayers for baby V? He is so small...so helpless and innocent. He deserves a chance and his mama deserves he gets a chance. She's been through so much heartache in her 30 years already.

 ******************************************************************

Also, I am in pain today. Horrible, burning pain. I'm days away from starting and I can feel it. I am miserable but I have so much to do. We're hosting my work party here tonight and my coworkers and their spouses will be here all evening. God, give me strength to be the pain warrior I know I am!!

2012 Patron Saint

Happy 2012!!! I welcome you with open arms but I hope you don't fly by as fast as 2011 did!

In 2010 I went here to get my patron saint for 2011. It was St Scholastica and I believe it was her intercession which made our fostering experience so mild compared to most. It could have been a terrible storm where we came out stripped completely bare and exposed but it wasn't. We do have some wounds to be healed but they will get there in time. Ironically, both of the boys schools sent Scholastica book order sheets every month!

This year I again wanted my own personal patron saint. A prayer warrior from Heaven. Sadly, Angela left the blogging community in May but, thankfully, there are other places we can go. It is amazing how a seemingly "random" name generator can pull up someone so perfect for me!

St. Erasmus (Elmo)

Feast: June 2

Patronage: Against Abdominal Pains; Against Appendicitis; Against Birth Pains; Against Childhood Intestinal Disease; Against Colic; Against Danger at Sea; Against Intestinal Disorders; Against Seasickness; Against Stomach Diseases; Against Storms; Childbirth; Navigators; Ordnance Workers; Sailors; Women in Labor

See the focus on the stomach and intestinal areas? I've been suspecting for a year that something is going to need to be done surgically again for my endo. I have an appointment in March with my gyno and I want to discuss my options with her again. The pain has been about unbearable and my cycles have shorted up so much that I have one every 23 days. I really only have about 14 days every month where I am not spotting or flowing. That's not right. And it's not fun. I live on ibuprofen for about 6 days every cycle. I'm going to kill my stomach and intestines at this rate. We'll see what she says.

Happy a happy weekend and I hope you all have a healthy and happy 2012!!

Self-Imposed Blog Fast

Yeah, I am still alive, girlies, and I haven't dropped off the face of the earth. I decided to focus on the boys while I had them so I didn't take the time to post and I barely had time to read. I doubt I have any readers left so this post is just for me and my possible die-hards.

My boys are gone. They left on December 7th. And guess what? My heart did not shatter into a thousand pieces as I thought it would. No Ma'am, it did not! It actually feels a lot bigger than it did 1 year ago. Huh. Who'd of thunk it. You let two little guys in and even after they are ripped out of your life you still feel like you can let more in. Well, it's true and I am here to testify!

Anyway, I decided to come back to life. I'll post more of what I've been up to but my FB followers already know. If I have any FB followers that is.

Speaking of followers....you know who has A LOT of FB followers? M!! And we've ALL been following her and Baby B's progress all along and they are KILLING ME!! I cannot wait for that baby to be born and I have never even met M but, I love her dearly. St Gianna, St Gerard...all the saints in Heaven...watch over M and Baby B. Please deliver that baby safely and soon...Amen!


P.S.
I forgot to mention what my hubby said about M having the baby. My dear man is a HUGE Lions fan, to a fault even. He follows them and is optimistic even in the worst of seasons. Anyway, he said if M didn't have the baby before next weekend the Lions whipping on the Packers would be sure to put her into labor. He said it, M, not me. BTW, he cannot wait to meet you and Mr B, hopefully next summer:)

Not meant to be...

I haven't posted in forever because, honestly, I don't have too much to say that I haven't already said. The boys are still with us for now. We have begun to transition them back to their mom and visit times have increased and will be increasing more in September. Since they will both be in school come Tuesday visits will be happening on the weekends and will start to include some overnights. The expected date to move them home is mid-November. Their mom is hoping we will still see the boys. She says we have become a huge part of their life and leaving us will be hard for them. Well, duh! She is such a twit. She's worrying about how hard it will be for them to leave us but she didn't worry much about them when she left them. In case it isn't clear, I don't think too much of their mom. She's been working with a parent trainer and she still doesn't know what she should feed them or to put sunscreen on them. Sorry, but I don't think you can fix stupid.

I am bitter and angry and feeling hopeless. Everybody wants to know how I am and how I feel about the boys leaving in 10 weeks or so. How will I handle it? I will fall apart. I will lay in my bed and cry and curse and be more angry and bitter than I am now.But then, what will I do? I will get up out of that bed and move on. I still have my husband and my dogs and my house and my job and my family. I will pack up everything I have bought for children and I will take it to Goodwill. And, that will be the end of that. Another chance to be a mother down the tubes. Guess it just wasn't meant to be...