Happy Gram and Happy Birthday(s)

Whew, it is Saturday morning and I am hoping for a few minutes to catch my breath before the boys get up. They are off to the races the minute they sit up in bed! I make it sound like a bad thing but truly I love it!

We have had a really good week. D got a Happy Gram from school on Wednesday thanking him for using good manners at breakfast and lunch. It was his first Happy Gram from school this year. E copied it and took it to their mom for her to see. She was pleased. Thursday night when I got to my in-laws to pick up the boys my MIL said she had to talk to me. My heart sank, I thought it was something bad. She said when she went out to get D off the bus the driver wanted to talk to her. The driver told my MIL that D is a totally different boy. That he is talkative and engaging. Before he came to stay with us he was withdrawn and quiet. She said he is turning into a confident little boy and that he needs to stay with us. Huh...this came from his bus driver! I cannot wait to talk to his teacher! My MIL said she teared up talking to his driver. We all just adore these boys and want them to succeed in every possible way. They have been with us just 3 weeks. Can you imagine what they can become with positive role models and a strong family structure for the rest of their lives?

I talked to C's dad last night on the phone. We are doing 2 10 minute phone calls or 1 visit and 1 10 minute phone call weekly. C talks to his dad for about a minute and then E or I talk to him. His dad is filing a petition to get his son. He wants him with him really bad. I don't blame him a bit as C is a great little guy. Very busy and hungry little guy but very charming all the same. His dad sounds really nice and he sounds sincere. We talked about C's unending appetite which appears to be more emotional than physical and his lack of a bedtime or nap routine. His dad seems to have a pretty good grasp on these things. C was down there for a month before Thanksgiving and according to his dad it went really well. They are going to have a visit next Friday at one of the agency's offices mid-way between where we live and where his dad lives. A transporter or our CW will take C and possibly D to see their dads if D's dad can get it together.

D has not seen his dad since he was maybe 2. He turned 4 in October. So far dad does not seem real vocal about wanting his son. Not like C's dad is. It is sad, really. I would be moving heaven and earth for these kids and he cannot return calls for a week or more. I don't get it.

Well, I had better run. Today is my birthday I have to go bake my cake. D is allergic to eggs so I am baking an egg-free cake and decorating it myself. I let the boys pick my decorations and we are having a Mickey Mouse Clubhouse cake and party. This may be the only birthday they are here for so we want to make it a good one!

Oh, and on another note, the baby that we were hoping to adopt was born yesterday! He is a healthy little boy at 6lbs, 5oz and 21 1/2 inches long. His birthday is the day before mine!!

Still with us

E worked the weekend so I haven't had to time to finish this post I started Friday night. It was all boys, all day and night!

You've got to love our judicial system! For the prelim that was supposed to start at 2:15 on Friday the judge appeared at 2:45. Then he had to meet with the attorneys in his chambers for 20 minutes. Then they actually started the prelim. It lasted about 25 minutes. I was so glad my new phone has a kind.le app because I sat there and read until things got rolling.

The boys will be staying with us for a while longer. CPS is working on home studies for the fathers of the two boys we have. If things are okay the dads may be able to get custody. Or, maybe not. I was listening to the two of them talk to the CPS worker. My, what a couple of shady pasts! I was really upset when C's dad was talking to the prosecuting attorney about his previous "case" which was all a mistake, even though it involved a gun and shots being fired and him using his son as a shield. Yes, I can see where that could be a mistake and that he should be able to raise his child now. Right.....And D's father is in some sort of half-way house and the CPS worker said their is no way to do a home study in that situation. His minister (yes his minister who did not look like any mnister I have ever seen) piped up and said there is an apartment over the church that he could move into with his son. Great....enable him.

I may sound really negative but just by listening I know these guys are not fit parents. They boys are safe with us. Mom now knows who has her boys and she is happy they are with us. E took her a few pictures we have taken since they have been here and they show smiling, happy boys. Her termination trial will be taking place sometime in the next 90 days. We should have the boys with us at least until then. Maybe longer.

Seriously, I am not trying to take these boys away from their family. I am trying to keep them safe, happy and well adjustment little boys. I have seen amazing things from them in the last couple weeks and I would love to watch them grow up and become productive members of our society. I am afraid their family can not do that as they themselves are not productive members of our society. They are going to be horrible examples to these boys. I have seen some negative behaviors that are obviously learned somewhere. We are working on it all, all the time.

I love these boys and I hope whatever happens is in the best interest of them and their future.

Success and failure

Tuesday night as I was trying to settle C down to sleep for the 15th time in 45 minutes the following thought popped into my head. I thought to myself "this would be so much easier if this was my kid". Oh, instant guilt! I am treating having these boys as a temporary situation but if it isn't and I get to keep them forever will my thoughts change? Will I keep remembering that I did not give birth to these boys? And, would challenges be less if I had birthed them? I think not. I think we would still have challenges on the same scale. Right now, bedtime for C is our biggest challenge. Many things have improved in the almost 2 weeks they have been with us. Bedtime has been a slow process.

We are trying to do quiet, calm things the hour or so before bed. We only do a bath every other day because of C's eczema. We get jammies on early and read a book or two. I have no trouble with D. He is so ready for bed every night. C is just a different boy, the complete opposite of his brother. He never wants to go to sleep.

Last night, Wednesday, was a huge success! It didn't start that way as the boys were fighting terribly. I thought I was going to have to check their anatomy because they were pinching and pulling each other's hair. I swore I had two little girls instead of two little boys. At 7:45 I was done with it. We put on jammies, read a story and put both boys in bed. I laid in my bed for 15 minutes or so. They were both out in 5. Wow! Parenting success! They slept straight through until 6:30 this morning. Awesome! But, every parenting success is usually coupled with a failure. In my haste to get those two crabbies to bed I forgot to fill the humidifier in their room. D woke up with blood on his pillow. Another nose bleed. Ah, well, we can try to redeem ourselves tonight!

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Tomorrow is Mom's prelim hearing. I am attending but E cannot. He is working tomorrow and unless he transports her to the courthouse he cannot go. Neither of us are comfortable with him doing the transporting of their mom so I will go alone. I'll let you guys know how she pleads but I anticipate a not-guilty plea. She has done nothing wrong in her own eyes.

In-laws and bedtime and such

My little man D gets to go back to school today! CPS didn't get their act together with all our paperwork until last Wednesday so D couldn't go to school. Well, he could go to school but he couldn't be released to us. We didn't want to send him for just one day Thursday and with yesterday being Martin Luther King Jr day there was no school. So, today is day 1! He is getting on and off the bus at in-law's. They will watch C during the day and D after school. They will be his bus stop even when E is off because we thought it would be too confusing for the school with how E's schedule rotates.

Have I mentioned how wonderful my in-law's have been? They have taken these boys into their home almost every day and are treating them as if they were born to me. They are treating them as if they will be with us forever. How special is that? They are both retired now but my MIL is a LPN and she worked for a pediatrician when her boys were younger. Then she was hired into our local ISD and worked as a para-pro and aide for almost 20 years. I could not ask for better hands for my boys to be in. My FIL is a Vietnam vet and was a supervisor in a local plant. He is gruff and strict but very loving all the same. They balance each other out.

I am pleased that these boys have 2 very strong male figures in my hubby and FIL because they have had so many men in and out of their lives I don't think they take men very seriously.The first time E gave the boys a bath D looked at him like, seriously? you're going to try to do this thing? We both laughed but realized after it wasn't so funny. They are listening better to my FIL and E but both boys turned a deaf ear at first to anything they would say.

Any tips for me on bedtime? D goes right to bed and maybe chatters to his stuffed dog for a few minutes. This kid likes to sleep so much he could be mine. C, on the other hand, fights us tooth and nail. At nap time and bedtime. I think he was just left to his own devices before and they let him crash whenever and wherever. Not in my house! When we lay him down he's good for about a minute. Then he starts calling my name. Then he says he's not tired. Then he whimpers and cries. Then he plays. Then he's out of bed. Then I put him back in bed. Then he whimpers. Then he cries. Then he says he's not tired.......This lasts a good hour. Meanwhile, D is saying C won't let him sleep and he needs to sleep so he can do good in school tomorrow. I don't know what to do other than to keep doing what I am doing. We have a calming bedtime routine but he just does not like to settle. He is a goer. I hate to separate the two into different rooms because they do well otherwise.

I had better run. I appreciate all your comments and prayers so very much! They are uplifting to me because I am so afraid I am going to screw these kids up more than their mom! You help me build my confidence so much!! Thank you!!!

Saturday already?

Wow, is it really Saturday already? Yes, I have been very busy! I want to thank you all for your words and prayers. They mean so much to us!

D has had only the one nosebleed last Sunday. We have a humidifier going in their room 24 hours a day and I believe that is helping. I discovered Tuesday that C's skin issue is severe eczema. (I may be repeating myself) We are struggling to get it cleared up. It starts to get better and then one of the patches gets really inflamed and starts to look infected. It is horrible! I am hoping their doctor will test C and retest D for food allergies as some of you mentioned the eczema can be triggered by allergies. Last night C started coughing during the night and ended up vomiting. I was afraid it was the flu but I believe it was his gag reflex from coughing. That was a first for E and I! Cleaning up a kid and changing bedding at 3:30 in the morning.

Now, I feel like I need to clear something up. I feel unworthy of your admiration. I'm dealing with this whole situation the only way I possibly can. Honestly, I want to grab these kids, get on a plane and fly them far, far away. That is what I want to do. What I have to do is my job. I understand that reunification is the goal right now. That could change any time but for now I am taking care of someone else's children.

That does not mean I cannot love them, hug them, kiss then and tell them how happy I am they are here with us. I tear up a little when C says he wants to go home and that he misses his mommy.I force myself to tell him convincingly that mommy loves him and misses him too. It his hard to hear him talk about how they hurt him and still have to say they love him very much. It is very hard when one minute he says he misses her and the next he says she hurts him.

I am teaching these kids something that they have to learn. That living with adults should not be scary or painful. That they should feel loved and secure and warm and comfortable.

I don't know what is going to happen with these boys. They could end up with some other family members or back with their mom. Or, they may end up becoming available for adoption. I just can't see what is going to happen. What I do know is that if they leave I will cry. And, if they can stay with us forever, I will cry.

Yesterday's meeting

I attended the placement permanency meeting yesterday and let me tell you, it was interesting to say the least! There are 5 children, 4 fathers and 1 mother who is incarcerated. Mom's concern is that her kids should be with family. Understandable. She does not like the youngest 2 being with strangers. The other 3 kids are with their dads but the youngest boys dads could not be reached on Friday. Thus, they came to us.

The father's are all going to file for permanent custody. Mom does not want the youngest 2 split up but they have different fathers. There is a great aunt and uncle who are willing to take they boys but now all the interested parties need home studies and inspections. The aunt and uncle need to get a foster license to take the youngest boys because the boys are now in the state's care.

What a mess! I have never attended such a circus of a meeting. There were 5 DHS workers, me, the aunt and uncle, a father, a step-father and the boys attorney all present at the meeting. Attending via phone conference were mom, 2 dads, an aunt (the one I went to school with), a grandparent, and 2 of the workers from our agency. Every one wants the kids! I sat back and kept my mouth shut. I know the primary goal is reunification, I knew that going in. Yesterday confirmed that firmly.

Our new agency case worker is coming for a home visit tonight. He is brand new and very excited to have a case. We are also going to have a visit from the boys attorney soon. We just found out yesterday who the boys doctor is so we'll be setting up an appointment for physicals very soon.

E came down with the stomach flu yesterday morning so the boys went to my in-law's. My MIL told me she loves her bio grand babies but these 2 behave so much better! My heart swelled. When I walked in their door last night both of the boys ran to greet me with hugs and kisses. Strangers, indeed!

I had an interesting conversation with both boys in the car driving home. I told the boys we were almost home and C said he didn't want to go home. I asked if he didn't want to go to my house or his parents house. He said his house. He said they are mean to him there. I asked him who was mean and he said Daddy. He said Daddy hits him. And Mommy hits him. D piped up like he always does and collaborated C's story. I don't know what to believe. I don't see how small children can really make that up. It must come from somewhere. I wrote down the conversation when we got home and I'll talk to our CW about it tonight. I know it's not my job to compile evidence against this mother.

I had better run and get myself ready for work. The boys are going to the in-law's again today. Eric is taking today off but he is still feeling pretty crappy. MIL has been just super supportive and has so much fun with those two!

Born to be a daddy

I have failed to mention how awesome my husband has been through all of this. Truly amazing! His schedule rotates so he works every other weekend. This week he has Monday and Tuesday off, works Wednesday and Thursday, and has Friday, Saturday and Sunday off. Next week the only days he has off will be Wednesday and Thursday.

He was on his own yesterday with the boys. We got them up together a little after 7 and got them breakfast. I laid out their clothes, kissed them all good-bye and headed out for work. He got their teeth brushed, their hair settled down and then got them dressed. He had some errands to run so they got to go to the courthouse to change his payroll deduction and then to the department for a car-seat check (which the woman wouldn't do, boo to his co-worker). The boys got to meet so many people that E works with and they each got a sucker at the courthouse. They he brought them to see me at my work. The members that were in the lobby were so thrilled for me!

The balance of the day was spent at E's parents. They went sledding down the hill and got to be pulled back up the hill behind the snowmobile. They each got to ride the snowmobile with E and then play on the big swing-set, too. My MIL sent me pictures, I so wish I could share them with you!

E said this is so much easier than he thought it would be. I think it helps that we have such great boys. My MIL said they are better behaved than her bio grand kids!
Oh, and he changed his first poopy diaper yesterday, too!