In the Hands of God

It's a new year and I'm not sure where I'm at. Eleven years is a long time to keep this fight up and I'm not sure I have it in me anymore. The procedures and charting and testing and meds - I think it's just too much for me. I'm not giving up but I am putting this all in God's hand. Blood work says there is nothing wrong hormonally. The HSG shows my tubes are clear. My cycles are normal. Clomid didn't help a bit. DH's second SA came back just fine. I won't do IUI or IVF. There is really nothing left for me to do but pray. I put this completely in God's hands. If we are meant to have a baby, he'll make it so.

It's winter here in the great north and I think that has me down. We took a drive yesterday about 1 1/2 hours south and the sun was shining there. Where I live we got 15 inches of snow in 2 days. It's been so gray and cold. I am hoping we'll get a little break from the cold temps and the wind so I can get back to walking after work. Wind chills of zero or below are no fun to walk in.

I know I'll snap out of this funk that I'm in. It's just the after holiday blahs and the winter doldrums. Maybe it's the impending birthday. 36 this year. Getting old and set in my ways. Maybe God knows I'm not meant to be a mother. He doesn't answer all our prayers. He knows what is best and I'll just roll with the tide.